The Insidious Poison of Disengagement in Your Relationship

When one partner in the relationship begins to disengage…. this is the warning sign of impending doom. Beyond the worst argument, the most hurtful betrayal, the cruelest words — disengagement is death knell for any relationship.

Disengagement is simply the loss of willingness to invest time, energy, and emotion into the relationship. It is flat-lining, going belly up without caring enough to put up a fight, much less to put in the work needed to keep the relationship alive and thriving. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.

When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears—the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain—there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness.

You are bound but unraveling at the same time. It only takes one person to disengage for the poison to spread and infect the relationship. Eventually the person trying to engage and seeking engagement from the other will give up. Sometimes this is exactly what the disengager wants. They are passively trying to end the relationship. Other times they are blind to the havoc they are creating and only wake up when their loved gives them a wake-up call or walks away.

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I long for the way he looks at me and tells me he loves me.

I long for that text message on my phone that says he’s thinking of all the” naughty” things we can do when he gets home. I’d spend the rest of the day daydreaming about that night.

I long to feel his fingers tangled in my hair.

I long for the way his hands run over my skin as we misbehave.

I long for a few simple words that can cause me to shudder deep inside.

I long to look into his eyes and see that same desire looking back at me.


You may be out of my sight but you aren’t out of my mind.

I miss you.

The Forever Wait

The forever wait is finally coming to an end.

My silly girl heart will soar as I wait for my flight to close the distance between you and me. I’ll smile at everyone around me as I impatiently wait for the announcement that my flight is boarding.
(It’s been so long since these arms held. Since these knees got weak.)

Then, somewhere around halfway, I’ll start to savour the giddiness I feel as I inch closer to you … knowing that you are there, waiting for me, with those arms open wide. Just for me.

In Your Arms

I can’t wait to lie next to you at night and fall asleep in your arms… it’s where I belong.

After almost an entire year apart, tomorrow night, in your arms is exactly where I’ll be.

Dragon Slayer

My prince, you’ve disappeared into the wilds of northern Canada and I’m here in my little East Coast kingdom. I know you’re out there dragon slaying and this princess is tending to her own little kingdom. But it just would be nice to have my prince stop by for a drink and say “good going, woman” … take me in your arms for a hug and enjoy being alive and in the same place.

Not so … you’re slaying a really big, big dragon – one that breathes fire and black smoke and whose breath smells, oddly enough, like roofing tar. I’ll let you alone to enjoy the carnage. I know when I have left my little kingdom behind and am carried to yours on silver wings, we’ll live that happily ever after story (with maybe some ogre’s thrown in just to keep it exciting).

Right Now

Right now, I feel good.

I feel good knowing that in 7 days I’ll be with you. I feel good knowing that I’ll finally get to see you each and everyday.

I’ve hated the feeling of missing you over the past few months. Every day without you has been a struggle, but thinking and dreaming of you fills me with a wonderful feeling. My intense love for you, and your love for me, tells me that the best is still ahead. And the future with you is what I live for.


Most nights I’m fine.
I crawl into my bed alone; I dream about faraway lands and fairy tale times and wake to another day full of potential.

But some nights I’m not so fine. Sometimes I just want you to hold me, to laugh with me, to call me your sweetheart. These are the nights when missing you is almost too much for me to handle.

I’ve missed you every day. But, I have been able to smile a bit and be glad that I have a love like you and that is enough to keep me going until we are together again.

Soon My Love

Waiting and wanting you has been the focus of my thoughts these days. This distance is an inconvenience; I know that each day that passes is one day closer to you but it doesn’t make missing you any easier.

The Best Thing

I know I don’t have much to offer. I am not rich. I am not powerful. I am not perfect in anyway. I can be difficult. I can be such a pain in the ass. I know once in a while I’m more than a little hard to handle.

You make me feel like the most valuable person in the world. You don’t need to spend a whole lot to make me feel special. You do it all on your own, in words and actions.

I feel like I can do anything with you by my side. Even if the whole world turned against me, you would stand by me. I’m glad you believe in me.

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You love me for me. And that makes me happy.

You make it so easy to smile. You make me feel like I can do anything. Right now it’s hard because we can’t see each other day and sometimes we don’t even get to talk everyday, but through it all our relationship has stayed strong. I will never let you go and I’ll love you with everything I am for all of my life.

I Love You. Forever and Always.

Far Away

I want to rest my head on your shoulder but your shoulder is too far away.

Nervous Butterflies

In a few weeks I’ll be leaving the only home  have ever known to be with you. I have to admit it’s a little scary and I have those nervous butterflies but I’ve never been so sure of anything. I’ve finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear. I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me. But they don’t make me want to run the other direction, like the fear has done before. I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level and those butterflies make me want to press myself as close as I can to you – skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat, because when I do that, the butterflies quiet their wings and they let me feel you. Feel all of you. I want to be with you, I want all of you.

I love you so much. 

Only You

When I see you, the world stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops and there is only you. Just you and my eyes staring at you. When I’m not with you, the world starts again and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it, and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing.

I don’t like being apart from you, not hearing your voice, not having you close. Just to be with you, I ache for it. I’m tired of waking up alone. 

When I’m With You

I really, really wanted to write something for you this morning. Something nice for you to wake up to. But I’m afraid my mind is coming up with not much more than daydreams of you and thoughts about how much I miss you. Putting the words “down” seems impossible. I hope you won’t mind but I’ll just borrow some lyrics from a song this time. I love you. ♥ 

When I’m with you
I’ll make every second count
cause I miss you, whenever your not around
when I kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now
I’ll make every second count
when I’m with you
yeah we’ve had our ups and downs
but we’ve always worked them out
babe am I ever glad we got this far now
still I’m lying here tonight
wishing I was by your side
cause when I’m not there enough
nothing feels right
so I’m coming back to show you that I’ll love you the rest of my life

– Faber Drive When I’m With You

Better Than Anything

I will be seeing you soon and it will be better than anything else.



I’ll always kiss you like kissing you is all I am allowed to do.”  –Tyler Knott Gregson

You will have every kind of kiss – in every kind of way, in every possible place – when we are together. 

What Is Wanted

I need to feel your skin against mine. Your fingers sliding down my back. Touches that are ours. Your wonderful mouth that kisses me goodnight and sometimes good morning (as well as all of the blacked out parts in between goodnight and good morning). The undeniable attraction for what is wanted. Those little pleasures that we have are far from ordinary. Your touches set my skin ablaze; Hard to shake off that feeling of wanting. But I want and crave more of it… I want to feel you touch me again.

Worlds Away

I’m tired of being in love and being all alone
When you’re so far away from me

Yeah, you’re so far away from me 

So far away from me” 

-Dire Straits 

We haven’t talked in days. The long emails that used to arrive daily have all but stopped. The texts have dwindled day-by-day until they are now almost nonexistent. I am feeling lost and alone.

And, you feel like you’re worlds away.  

Electric Love

The fact that we don’t see each other often just makes it more electric when we do.



Every bed without you in it … is broken.

Missing you.

How I Think

When I’m not there, do you think of me? When something’s bothering you, do you wish I were there to help comfort you? When you’ve had a long hard day, do you smile knowing that soon we’ll be together and everything will seem better? When you lay down at night, do you look back and cherish the old and new memories you’ve made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that it’s one day closer to seeing me?

Because that’s how I think of you.

I love you!

Two Hearts

“It is s a shame, that two hearts can be so attached, but they cannot be together.”  Source Unknown    

I just want to be with you. And even though I hate not being with you all the time, I kind of like the fact that I have someone who I really miss. 

Missing You

Right now, I hate missing the person I am so very deeply connected with.

For now, I’ll go on with my life, but know that I miss you.


You are wanted and needed. Here.

Missing Piece

When a day or two goes by without talking to you, I feel like a big part of me is missing.

It’s Crazy

I’m on the edge of going crazy if I don’t see you soon. I crave your touches.

For You See


I had a hard time sleeping, waking up in the middle of the night.  You called and we talked in the wee hours of the morning; it was so good to hear your voice. When we said good-bye I tried to sleep again but sleep did not come. Instead I laid in my bed and felt a tear slide down my cheek. I wish that you were here to wipe it away and to kiss me … saying that everything will be fine.

Missing You

“The last few months were hectic with flying back and forth, the wedding etc but now normal seems to have settled and I do not like it without you.”  —My Husband

I don’t like being so far away from you either my love. I’m coming to you soon.

I miss you.

I love you. 

I’m Thinking

You came into my life and I thought
“Hey, you know, this could be something”
‘Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything’s okay
And you’ve already got me coming undone
And I’m thinking two is better than one

Boys Like Girls … Two Is Better Than One

Dream of Us


I want you to be the first person I wake up to and the last person I sleep to, so I can dream of us. . .
and make these dreams a real day.


“Your absence has not taught me how to be alone it merely has shown that when together we cast a single shadow on the wall.”
– Source Unknown

Happy Valentine’s Day My Love

You are miles away from me this Valentine’s Day. I miss you but I am content just to sit here with memories of you, recent and more distant. I’d given up on finding a love like ours until you came back into my life. The unexpected always strikes out of the blue, in our case it started with that simple, little birthday wish … fate some would say.  

A whirlwind of experiences has swept through our lives over the past several months… reconnecting through emails and telephone calls; you flying half way across this vast country just to spend a few days with me; that first visit in SJ when you asked me once again, Who am I? and I knew just what you meant; the fortune cookies; our engagement and last month our wedding. We truly rock each other’s world and to think our journey is just beginning.

I want you to know that even though I say I love you a lot, the feelings behind the words never change. Whether I say it once or say it a million times, I love you just the same every time and always will from now and for the rest of our lives.

Happy Valentine’s Day … my man, my husband, my M. I love you!

Where Are You?

Where are you my husband? You don’t have to answer as I already know … not close enough. 

You are so far away from me. There’s this distance … miles and time zones. Why is this so? It doesn’t have to be … two weeks is all I need and I can be there … with you.

I love you so very much and I miss you more each day.

Constant Longing

I’m sitting here now, writing this and missing you. It’s a constant longing that never goes away. I lie in bed at night wishing you were here. I only want to be in your arms. I wish I could see you if only for 5 minutes.

I want you here … I need you here. Now and forever.

But instead I am left alone, trapped in this hole… missing you.


Trying not to miss you is like trying to describe something indescribable.

I start strong, but end wide-eyed and stuttering. 

Here Without You

“…all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you
But you’re still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I’m here without you
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me”

3 Doors Down – Here Without You

Forever Yours

The hardships of distance and time are teaching me to be humble and patient. I never knew I possessed these virtues. Endurance and resilience are not inherent traits in my character. I often gave up too soon when the road ahead looked tough. I would choose a milder slope, a more traveled path perhaps. I sat on the sidelines and watched the world goes by … then you came back into my life.

Time Passes

It seems like we are always looking forward and counting time by weeks and days.

It’s Our Turn

Many years and many miles have kept us apart for so long sometimes it’s hard to believe we have really found each other again. Now we must make time disappear and distance grow shorter. We have grown older and matured; now it’s our turn … it’s our turn to make each other happy. 

Another Day

Today is another day that I will spend too far away from you. The house is silent as I am the only one awake and as I sit here with my morning coffee I have a moment to breathe before all the activities of the day begin. The peacefulness is allowing me to think only about you and to reflect upon the lovely words you email and text me. Your words are so eloquent and yet so casual … like an expert chef who doesn’t need to think about the ingredients for his special delicious. I can’t seem to do that adequately, in my mind, in the course of everyday emails. I try to convey how much I love you but in order to do so I have to sit quietly and construct each sentence just so – as I am now.

This is part of what has been on my mind this morning:

I miss you with me. I dream of you. With every message, every phone call, and every email from you, I feel more loved than I have ever felt in my entire life. And what I find so beautiful is the amazing connection of our souls. It’s knowing that no matter where we are or what we are doing there is one person who loves each of us unconditionally. It is safe and comfortable as much as it is beautiful. It is how we have overcome the physical separation. It is how we dream and hope and live. I’m already so close to you, I feel you inside me, but I want to be next to you, touching you, inhaling your scent, tasting your lips. Like you, I just want to be close. 

Defeated Thoughts

I cried myself to sleep last night you know. I was just missing you and I felt alone. There I was lying on the couch, a tear escaped my eye and I began to cry. (Seems the couch is my favourite place to boohoo.)

With all of my being I want your arms around me. I want to feel your lips on my neck and your fingers tangled in my hair. I miss spending the evening alone with you.

Most of all…I just wanted you here. I wanted to be able to turn over and see your face thisclosetomine.

And I hate that I’m so wrapped in emotions. Why do I cry like this every so often? It is so not like me. I am usually so composed, so in control of my feelings. Perhaps it’s because I don’t want to be in control all the time. Or perhaps it’s because I just really miss you.


“Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle… rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be”. – Source Unknown

I need you. I need to be in your arms. If only if you were here … I wouldn’t know the definition of this agony that time and distance inflicts day after day. 

I hope as you breath that cold, mountain air, you can sense me with you. As I sense your warmth on these cold, winter nights. 

Oh lover, if only you were here. For now we’ll both continue to dream that some-day dream. 

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