The Meaning of It

The Meaning of It All

I’ve tried to say it a thousand different ways. I’ve tried twisting the words inside out and doubling them back over onto themselves. I’ve tried coming up with words in different languages, because maybe they have words for this thing. I’ve tried saying the same words over and over again in hopes that this time they’ll mean what I want them to mean, that you’ll understand what I am trying to say. I’ve tried writing it down and spelling it out and stressing each syllable. I’ve filled up pages and pages of bandwidth with what I’m trying to say.

Maybe I should just stop.



Even if I write down everything that’s ever crossed my heart, there will still come a day when none of my words can explain how I feel.

Love Is…


The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail and why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to be with someone in spite of their flaws. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.



Meaning of Love

Meaning of Love

I love you means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I don’t wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.


Happy 3rd Anniversary

Happy 3rd Anniversary

LOVE.  It’s what pieced us together when our paths couldn’t have been farther apart. Three years ago we married not only one another, but also the road we hadn’t yet seen.  This crazy ride that has blessed us and given us more opportunity than I ever imagined. We set off on this path to accomplish whatever life would hand us and so far, the ride has been magnificent. 

I’ve tried to pinpoint when exactly our worlds collided and I fell hard, fast and without looking back.  And I think it’s laced in all of our stories.  There are many moments in our lives that have brought us to this one and I wouldn’t trade any of them.  Thank You for making me the Luckiest Girl in the World three years ago and continuing to make me feel that way. 

Happy Anniversary my Man. I love you.


I am going to take a break from posting here. I’ll be back … eventually.




You Are…

You are the center of my universe. A million ways could never explain how I feel about you.

I could write you a thousand letters, each page filled with a small font just like this. Endless amounts of typed spaces filled with feelings and emotions that you so easily pull right out of me. Something about you causes a tunnel vision in my eyes because I see only you. I am blind to the charms of others, though most that have come my way have been charmless to begin with. I’ve built an image of a man I thought no one could ever bring to life but I stumbled over you and now here I am… married to you. When I am lost in thought… I am lost in you.

I worry that one day you will see each layer pulled away from me and realize that underneath I am just like everyone else. I have the same fears, the same insecurities and the same weaknesses carried out by many of the women you have encountered in the past… and I wonder if I will lose that little bit of glitter that you think I’ve got.

You are like the perfect ending to a story I couldn’t finish. You are the song that plays slowly and softly in my head when the silence is just too much to take. You are the pinch that wakes me up from a nightmare I’m too scared to face. You are the person I want to help me through all the grief and pain that is bound to visit upon my life and you’re the person I want to be there for when those two things make an extended stay in your own life. You are the clarity through my confusion and my backbone when I’m slipping to the ground in defeat. You are the only one that I’ve ever wanted to love. You are the soft hand that brushes the corner of my heart when I feel like I’m running cold. You are the best moment of my day.


Love’s Journey

For years I longed for someone to come along who understood me, someone who wanted what I did. And then I found him, though I’d known him all along. He was the man who stole my heart years ago. My soul never forgot him. We began to understand that what we had was a connection so much stronger than love. I found I no longer saw him as the conflicted man who loved me but was too scared to admit it. Instead I saw a man who saw me and understood me like no one else ever could. A man who knew just what it was I needed. I saw a man who awakened feelings in me I thought I had let go of all those years ago. I saw a man who had a heart of gold, one who would give me the world if he could, who would take care of me and love me the way I needed it. I saw a man who wanted what I did and who was strong enough to take it. I saw a man who understood that so long as he was good to me he’d be my everything and I would do almost anything to please him. To love him and be loved by him is more than anything I’ve ever dreamed and I am so very thankful that we get to take this journey together… to be curled up by his side is sometimes the only place I want to be, his hand in my hair and the warmth of his love upon my skin. He is my best friend, my lover, my everything… and I love him more than life itself.

I love YOU.

In My Eyes

Just over a year I go I would have been surprised if someone told me I’d be where I am today. I would have denied it adamantly. My own smile was not recognizable to me in the months prior to that blog post. I never intended for you to read it. But that post brought you along, back into my life.

I’d been stubborn and a pain in your ass, but to you I was still worth something. I was beautiful, charming, a little crazy, and slightly up and down, but I was passionate. Even the moments in which you noticed my accent, turned into memorable moments in which I was adorable in your eyes. I was everything to you I had always wanted to be to somebody.

In the last year we’ve loved and laughed. The year has had its many ups, and the occasional down, but we have managed to stay and head over heels for one another. You have become my best friend, my lover, my husband and the man of my dreams. You definitely make me feel a little more normal than perhaps I really am. Know that with every “I love you” you say, brings much comfort in the fact that your heart is mine and to this day you remain amazing in my eyes.

My Husband Is…

… wonderful.

Today, I want to brag on my husband a bit. I want to tell you what’s so great about him.

My husband is generous. He is confident with who he is. He sets the example of a hard-working man. He does so much – he is Chief Mechanic, Master Handyman, Bringer of Bacon and all that jazz. If there is a problem he will find a solution. He is fun-loving and adventurous. We laugh a lot. He has the patience of a saint. (I suppose he needs that living with me.) He likes to shop. He likes to travel and try new things. He isn’t a picky eater. He takes care of his family in that old-fashioned, man’s man way while treating me with respect as his partner. He flirts with me (I love that – it makes me feel beautiful.) When it comes to passion there is no one that equals him, not by a long shot.

It’s in the gestures … The way he smells my hair and inhales my heart in. The way he gets so close to my face our noses almost touch and our eyes drink in each other’s soul. The way his arms surround my shaky world and squeezes me so tight into the steadiness of his. The way he contains me – my anger … my insecurities … my mood swings. The calmness of him. The easiness in his expressions.

I am full of shortcomings and yet he puts up with them all, especially my bouts of over-active blabber. Things fall from my mouth without rhyme or reason and are sometimes flights of fancy that are gone in a moment or two but he just smiles and says I’m cute.

My husband truly is the greatest man in the world. He is the only man I’ve ever met who has not only made me feel the way I do, but can really truly handle me in my entirety and still love me unconditionally at the same time. When I am with him, I feel alive. He brings me a happiness that no one else ever has.

 I think I could go on and on… I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the entire world. I can’t imagine life without him.

Your Inner Child

Honestly, you act just like a ten-year-old boy sometimes. (Thinking about “shoes” as I write this.)

If you are at all familiar with the qualities of a ten-year-old (and I know you are), you know that words like “brat” come to mind immediately. On one hand, there is still a sweet boyishness, with their tousled hair, freckled faces and sweet baby cheeks. On the other hand, their eyes are usually gleaming with orneriness, and an impish grin resides permanently between those baby cheeks. Oh, the language that erupts from those innocent little mouths during those years. Everything from insults to swear words comes flying out at least once, and then, ever so carefully the limits are tested. How much back-talk will mom, dad, or a teacher put up with before the boundaries are slammed down with gale force? It’s like the secret pact of every ten-year-old to annoy and frustrate their siblings to tears, to antagonize and goad their parents to the point of explosion and to just flat-out wear everybody out with their annoying antics.

I see a boyishness in you, my darling husband, at some of the oddest moments. I have a personal window into your soul that no other person on earth has. You can make me want to kiss your sweet cheeks one moment and tempt me to slap them hard the very next. ツ

I love to see the inner child so plainly in you, just one more thing to love about you.

He Loves Me

My husband, the man I chose. You were single, close to being awarded confirmed batchelor status, but after all those years of being a single man, you chose me.

There is nothing that binds us together outside of ourselves and our choice to be with one another. You have promised to love me for the rest of your life. That is a super powerful feeling. Knowing that I am loved makes all the difference in the world to me. Life is hard and relationships are hard work: why bother at all, if there isn’t love?

How do I know you love me? Well, that would be a post for another day, but suffice it to say, you declare your love to me in a myriad of ways. It’s definitely not like the old farmer’s wife joke. In “Fiddler on the Roof” the wife asks her husband one day if he loves her. The old farmer bellows, “Woman, I told you once on the day we got married, and if it ever changes I’ll let you know!”

I sometimes take for granted the ways you express your love for me, often through good deeds or provision of material needs, sometimes those ways are too subtle, sometimes I need bluntness. But no matter how you say it or show it, I always know that you love me … I can feel it in my heart. And, I love you.

Spicy Love

I’m watching people, the days and life pass. I see couples and kids and dogs and bikes and summertime things that make me happy.

But each passing moment has me missing you more. It seems like forever since I’ve seen you. The “we” stuff is sitting on the stove … should I be doing something with it? Should I stir it? Should I add some salt and pepper? Maybe so because last night I had a spicy dream about you. No one seems to add flavour to my day, or night, like you. Your presence, whether in real time or dreamtime, puts me in another space. 

Dragon Slayer

My prince, you’ve disappeared into the wilds of northern Canada and I’m here in my little East Coast kingdom. I know you’re out there dragon slaying and this princess is tending to her own little kingdom. But it just would be nice to have my prince stop by for a drink and say “good going, woman” … take me in your arms for a hug and enjoy being alive and in the same place.

Not so … you’re slaying a really big, big dragon – one that breathes fire and black smoke and whose breath smells, oddly enough, like roofing tar. I’ll let you alone to enjoy the carnage. I know when I have left my little kingdom behind and am carried to yours on silver wings, we’ll live that happily ever after story (with maybe some ogre’s thrown in just to keep it exciting).

Can You Feel The Love

I love you. The things you do, the way you think, and the way you move. I get excited every time I am about to see you, whether it’s been months or a few hours since I’ve seen you last. You make me feel like I’ve never felt before in my life. And I don’t ever want this feeling to go away.

(Can you feel her love for you? She thinks about you non-stop. She fights the urge to throw her arms around you when she sees you. She struggles to keep her hands to herself. When she talks to you, she always has this smile and she truly feels happy. With one hug, you make her melt and you always leave her with week knees. She believes you are perfect for her and you’ve been worth every second of the wait.) 


Most nights I’m fine.
I crawl into my bed alone; I dream about faraway lands and fairy tale times and wake to another day full of potential.

But some nights I’m not so fine. Sometimes I just want you to hold me, to laugh with me, to call me your sweetheart. These are the nights when missing you is almost too much for me to handle.

I’ve missed you every day. But, I have been able to smile a bit and be glad that I have a love like you and that is enough to keep me going until we are together again.

My dearest husband,

So much of who I am today I owe to you. Do you remember the first time we were together, in that hotel room, in that little east coast town? We went from kissing, to exploring each other’s bodies, to rolling around on the bed – I was dizzy with passion. That morning began the period of my life where you woke me up, taught me how to live and how to love.

This letter is a thank you. You have taught me more about myself than I had ever thought possible. Despite a lifetime of secrets, I learned how to tell you the truth about anything and everything. And I learned that you wanted to hear it. Sometimes it was hard – it’s not easy to always tell someone the truth. But it was so important to me to do so, to tell you everything, to let you IN, that once I started telling you everything in my heart and head, I never looked back.

Thank you for knowing how I take my coffee. Thank you for always worrying about my safety and happiness. For making who I am the single most interesting thing in the world to you.

Thank you for touching me, holding me, making love to me, fucking me. And, for doing it whenever we want. Thank you for giving me the best times of my life, the stuff that most people only dream about but that I get to have. Thank you for the ring you gave me, which never comes off the finger on my left hand.

Thank you for telling me all the secrets you had. Thank you for dusting out the cobwebs in your soul and taking a chance on me again. Thank you for going with me to new places, to be able to eat and drink in a foreign city and whittle away the hours we were not in bed sightseeing and just being with me. Thank you for holding my hand when we walk.

Thank you for bringing me a drink when I am taking a bubble bath. For the love letters you wrote me. And for your face lighting up every time you saw me, every time I came into the room.

And most of all, thank you for waiting for me. For believing in us even when I was confused. Thank you for being the love of my life and my dearest friend.

I will always love you. Always.


 Your wife


The Best Thing

I know I don’t have much to offer. I am not rich. I am not powerful. I am not perfect in anyway. I can be difficult. I can be such a pain in the ass. I know once in a while I’m more than a little hard to handle.

You make me feel like the most valuable person in the world. You don’t need to spend a whole lot to make me feel special. You do it all on your own, in words and actions.

I feel like I can do anything with you by my side. Even if the whole world turned against me, you would stand by me. I’m glad you believe in me.

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You love me for me. And that makes me happy.

You make it so easy to smile. You make me feel like I can do anything. Right now it’s hard because we can’t see each other day and sometimes we don’t even get to talk everyday, but through it all our relationship has stayed strong. I will never let you go and I’ll love you with everything I am for all of my life.

I Love You. Forever and Always.

I Love … You

I love you, my husband. You have no idea how much I do.

I love the words you say. The moves you make. The way you hug me from behind. The way you kiss my lips.  The way you talk about life and about us. The way you’re cool and calm. The way you’re silent, sitting there beside me, looking at me, making me wonder … how can silent presence speak so much without using words?

I like the way you rub my shoulders. I love it when you touch me. And I love it when I touch you. I love protective you. I adore happy you. I love the safety in you. I love the easiness in you.

No one knows anything about you like me. Because the world doesn’t know. But I know. I know who you are.

You are a good man. You care. You love. You make my life, my future, my past even. You make ‘me’.

I want make you happy.

Feeling Love

I feel your hands in my hair.
I feel your breath on my neck.
I feel your body pressed so close to mine.
I feel your mouth on my throat.
I feel your hands move to my back and your lips work their way up to mine.
I feel you and I love it.

I hear you say you love me.
I hear you whisper my name.
I hear your breath in my ear.
I hear your soft snores as I fall asleep.
I hear you and I love it.
I see your face break through my world of darkness.
I see you’re in love with me.
I see you and I love it.

I taste your lips.
I taste your tongue.
I taste your throat as I kiss it.
I taste your love.
I taste your passion.
I taste you and I love it.

I smell your cologne as I hold you.
I smell your excitement as you cuddle me.
I smell the smell I’ve been waiting so long to smell.
I smell you and I love it.

I feel you.
I hear you.
I see you.
I taste you.
I smell you.
I do all these things and I love it.

I’m finally with you.
I love it.
I love you.

What Is Wanted

I need to feel your skin against mine. Your fingers sliding down my back. Touches that are ours. Your wonderful mouth that kisses me goodnight and sometimes good morning (as well as all of the blacked out parts in between goodnight and good morning). The undeniable attraction for what is wanted. Those little pleasures that we have are far from ordinary. Your touches set my skin ablaze; Hard to shake off that feeling of wanting. But I want and crave more of it… I want to feel you touch me again.

How I Think

When I’m not there, do you think of me? When something’s bothering you, do you wish I were there to help comfort you? When you’ve had a long hard day, do you smile knowing that soon we’ll be together and everything will seem better? When you lay down at night, do you look back and cherish the old and new memories you’ve made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that it’s one day closer to seeing me?

Because that’s how I think of you.

I love you!


And I want to massage your neck and kiss your face and hold your hand and go for a walk.

And talk about the day. Talk about your day, talk about my day. Watch great movies … watch terrible movies.

And tell you about the TV show I saw the night before and laugh at your jokes. Want you in the morning but let you sleep for awhile. Tell you how much I love your eyes, your mouth, your hands. To do anything I can to make you happier.

And sit on the steps smoking ’til you come home. And worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early.

And be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me. Look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever. Hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin.

And I’ll tell you the worst things about me and give you the best of me. Answer your questions when I’d rather not. And tell you the truth when I really don’t want to.

And hug you and hold you when you’re having a bad day and want you when I smell you. Melt when you smile. And tell you why I love the man who flew across the country one weekend because he loved me.

… And somehow communicate some of the over-whelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, ongoing, never-ending love I have for you. 


I had become lost. I was in the middle of nowhere and there you were, revealing a way out, offering your hand to make the journey much easier. For a long time, I felt like I was unworthy of such rescue. But you were still there. Patiently waiting. And, instead of being ordinary apart, we are now extraordinary together.

I Love You and You Love Me

I love you. Not entirely because I have a reason to need to but because you are perfectly the person I want to give that love to. Not because you have been good or I have this attraction to bad boys or anything really. I just love you. No reason. No conditions.

I love you for reasons I do not know. Simply just because I love you. And I know you love me.

Loving You

When I see problems, you see the possibilities in them. Solutions where I can only see trouble. And I am thankful for that. A shoulder to lean on. A hand to hold. A person to love. That’s you. And I am absolutely in love with you. Especially your easy-going attitude. How you say: we are forever. And I believe you. No matter what you say, I will always believe you. And that is power. That is making myself so vulnerable that it scares me but I still take the risk.

My butterflies become suicide bombers and throw themselves at the walls of my stomach when I hear your voice. And that I can still feel that after seven plus years makes me believe in us.

We are forever.

Memory Lane

It was nearly eight years ago when you entered my world. I had not expected an adventure to develop. A romance. We started out superficial. Surface level. But as time went on, you became my ultimate crush. I kept this to myself, how silly it was to fall for someone over private messages.

We were going to the same party and I convinced you to meet me first before heading off to the crowded party together. I was nervous to be around you. You gave me butterflies.

The next day our time together was quickly coming to an end, but neither of us was ready to end it. Then you asked me a question. I wish I could have seen me through your eyes that day.

In the weeks that followed I questioned you about your likes, your loves, your dislikes, your life. Everything. I wanted to soak you in. I wanted to know all about you.

My feelings for you intensified. In a very short time I realised it was more than a crush. You were a man I was madly and deeply in love with. You were true to what I had thought you to be and I had not thought it possible for me to like someone this much. I kept this to myself, how silly it was to fall for someone so quickly.

We had 2+ years together before we drifted apart. We weren’t meant to be at that particular moment in time.

Fast forward to October. We are in SJ for a second time and I was once again with the man that had captivated my heart, mind and body all those years ago. You – us – had become real to me once more. I realised you knew me. All aspects of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And you were still sitting there next to me. Again I found myself wishing I could have seen myself through your eyes. I wanted you. All of you. There was nothing more in this world that I wanted than to be yours once again. This time I didn’t think it was silly to fall for you so quickly and I didn’t keep it to myself.


We were together before – years ago. It was real love; so powerful for both of us that we didn’t know how to handle it. It got weird and I split in the spring. You moved out west.

The next five years were self-indulgent. I thought of you sometimes and when I did I wondered how you were, if you were okay, if you still thought of me, if you had a new love … but it wasn’t in the front of my mind because all that space was occupied with selfish thoughts. I dated plenty of other people. You dated plenty of other people. All of them were kept at arm’s length. None of them mattered even though they thought they did.

Then we started talking again. You were on the west coast; I was on the east. We got together for a weekend after all those years and it was more than we could have imagined. We hugged and talked. It suddenly made sense why nothing had made sense for so long. We had truly found love before we were ready for it and now it had come back. So after a few months I asked you to marry me. You said yes.

We are so happy together. We have the kind of love that makes other people realize that they can do better. They can make themselves happy while making someone else happy too. We have the kind of love that books are written about. For us, leaving was the only way to save it, and now that it has come back around we are satisfied by how much we had to go through to get to here.

I am glad you were patient. 

Another Day

Today is another day that I will spend too far away from you. The house is silent as I am the only one awake and as I sit here with my morning coffee I have a moment to breathe before all the activities of the day begin. The peacefulness is allowing me to think only about you and to reflect upon the lovely words you email and text me. Your words are so eloquent and yet so casual … like an expert chef who doesn’t need to think about the ingredients for his special delicious. I can’t seem to do that adequately, in my mind, in the course of everyday emails. I try to convey how much I love you but in order to do so I have to sit quietly and construct each sentence just so – as I am now.

This is part of what has been on my mind this morning:

I miss you with me. I dream of you. With every message, every phone call, and every email from you, I feel more loved than I have ever felt in my entire life. And what I find so beautiful is the amazing connection of our souls. It’s knowing that no matter where we are or what we are doing there is one person who loves each of us unconditionally. It is safe and comfortable as much as it is beautiful. It is how we have overcome the physical separation. It is how we dream and hope and live. I’m already so close to you, I feel you inside me, but I want to be next to you, touching you, inhaling your scent, tasting your lips. Like you, I just want to be close. 

My Love In Technicolor

Before you, my world was grey.

Except, to my eyes, it was normal, this lack of colour was acceptable, relatable; my world was a lack of all that was vibrant and right.

Then you entered my life, like mellow and relaxing music, like a comfortable atmosphere, you surrounded me and put me at ease, thereby allowing snippets of colour to be injected into the monotony that was my day after day after day.

I heard your voice and listened to you laugh once again. I read your words, they touched me and brought back memories buried deep within my subconscious. You lifted me up, placed me next to you and commenced to tell me things about myself that I had forgotten. Things no one else had noticed, things no one else cared about.

More colours, more lights, into a world that had long since forgotten their meanings.

And I adored you; I was amazed with your actions and your wit, your love and your abilities. And I saw you, took in the handsome smoothness of your face, looked into the green eyes that captivated me so. I held your hand, was struck by the realization that my love was as solid for you as your hand in mine.

You guided me with love…and the life of the colours I had dismissed, were brought back in full flow.

I was dizzy from watching them, but you held me steady and delighted in seeing my childlike wonder in the new world we discovered…

…and then you had to go.

I had to leave the colours, leave the lights, leave the life that I enjoyed so much and was growing fond of…a life with you.

Now here, in this hell, comprised of cold and desolate plains, where there is nothing but grey and lifeless to be seen, I miss you with the fiercest passion.

And to alleviate the pain, I spend my time plotting.

Plotting my life with you.


I’m sitting here drinking my morning coffee, and thinking about “missing”.

Missing is a strange thing that I never thought applied to my life. But, now you’ve flown away, I miss you with a fiery intensity. It burns and burns. It has no end.

Missing is unfair. It creeps up sneakily behind me and leaps to my side whenever you’re not here.

I miss the warmth in your eyes. And the smile that plays on your lips. I miss the sound of your voice… I can’t hear it. I miss holding your hand and arguing over the colour of the sky. I miss waking up in the middle of the night, feeling your warmth beside me. Your chest against my back, your arm around my waist, your legs bending in line with mine.

I just miss things like this. And you.


Stripped naked and left vulnerable, when the mask is undone. No one has such an effect on me before; your very presence seems to take all my blues away.

The walls just disappear with you around me. You’ve opened me up, you’ve made me smile. I see skins of myself that I’ve never seen before, I sit here undressed, but I feel liberated.

The mask is not required with you around; I am finally able to trust — completely and honestly.

The layers of skin peeling away, the caterpillar finally becoming a butterfly. Although naked and vulnerable around you, it sure feels damn right. 


You are more than just the man I love. You are the friend I can share my deepest secrets with. I feel that I have so much love to give and that it’s been bottled up inside me for so long. No one but you has been interested in opening the bottle to see what’s inside. You have not only been interested and willing to open that bottle but you inspire and encourage what’s inside.

You are the man I want to share’s life’s adventures with. I think we have been brought together at this time in our lives for something very special. I can’t wait to explore what life has in store for us.

I know I write these words several times a day; I hope they never lose their meaning and I hope you never get tired of hearing them  … I love you … now and forever. 

The Best Feeling

Telling you that I miss you is not something new because you already know I miss you – all the time. I can´t stop thinking about you, even if I try my hardest to think of something else. You never seem to leave my thoughts. You are my most constant memory. I think missing someone who is absent is the saddest feeling of all.

I must confess how happy I am to have you back in my life. How good it feels to love you. And, even though you are half way across this vast country and not here by my side, the affection and passion that surrounds us is strong. I see it in our texts and emails; I hear it in our phone calls; I see it during LiveCall; and most importantly I feel it everyday in my body and soul.

You know, loving you and being loved by you is the best feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. 

My Dream

For years I’ve dreamed of a man. The man. The one who answers to every call of my soul. The one who understands without explaining, who does without asking, who hears without words. The one whose love for me is reflected in his eyes like stars, whose touch makes me tremble, whose strength keeps me forever within his embrace. The one who has danced through every one of my fantasies. After the daydreams I would laugh at myself and say “There could never be a man like this, but it was fun to think about.”

But there is a man like this. There is you. You are the only man I see now and always. You are the man in all my fantasies. You are the master of everything. You are my dream and I dream of being in your arms forever.


Miss With Me

It’s silly I know but I walk around with a goofy grin on my face; I bang into doors because I was so engrossed reading text messages from you and I would laugh out loud WHILE reading the same messages. I think about you and wonder what are you up to and wonder if you’re thinking of me or missing me the same way that I’m missing you…

Chicklet thinks that’s its weird to see me walking around smiling like a freak.

I think you’re funny and strangely-smart. I enjoy having you around and I love the fact that you make me smile … and laugh … and believe me … and know me … my children love it too because they see me smiling again and know I’m happy.
Play with me, laugh with me, miss with me… 

Thinking of You


My intention was to write to you every day. But life seems to get in the way sometimes. It doesn’t mean, and you know this, that I’m not thinking about you. I miss you all of the time and I am always thinking of things I want to tell you. Everything reminds me of you – even brushing my teeth or washing the dishes or other seemingly banal activities that few people would associate with love. Perhaps its just that I long to have you here with me (or there – or anywhere really) for every moment, exciting or not.

When I’m With You

Is this real? This feeling, this…desire to be held close to you, to have your arms encircling my waist in a never ending embrace. To feel your warm breath tickle my ear.
I lose my senses as I gaze into your eyes. You stop my breath with your kisses.
When I’m with you I’m protected. When I’m with you I’m…loved.

The Missing Part

As I sit here at my computer typing away, I think about you and how you’re thousands of miles away. My life goes on, but you’re what is missing… everyday.

I miss you.

I love you.


Oh, How I Miss You

There is just something about you that makes me feel at ease and open to love. It’s hard to describe the emotion churning inside my body. It is like a delicate thunderstorm. With every text, every email, every phone call, the storm gets stronger. The lightning strikes and my body longs for you. The thunder roars and memories of your kiss, your touch, your taste… they all overwhelm me. All I can do is close my eyes for a few seconds and savour the memory before it fades away.


Oh, I have missed you dearly today.

With just your words, you have made my heart soar and my body tingle with anticipation of your warmth.

Baby, you are amazing.

I love you.

I Love You

I love you. I love your eyes. I love your smell. I love your hair. I love your laugh. I love your skin. I love everything inside you. And I’ll try to make all the parts that I find, happy. Because you make me happy. So very much.

Long Distance = Wrong Distance

Have I ever told you that when I watch you speak to me through bytes and ram, I imagine your voice, whispering into my ear?

Have I ever told you that I wait out each day in anticipation, wanting only an hour or so, just a second in space and time, to feel close to you?

Have I ever told you that there has been times when I’ve ached for you, ached for you so badly, that the emotions overwhelmed me.. and so I sat and cried?

Have I ever told you that sometimes, I will reach out, touching your name on this cold screen before me, wishing I could reach in and pull you to me?

Have I ever told you that I would give everything up, just for one night to be able to lay near you, to feel your chest rise and fall with each breath you take?

Have I ever told you that I dream of you often, I dream of you reaching out and touching my hand, simply to let me know that you are there, and everything is okay?

Have I ever told you how much I love you?

Time and Space

I just want you to know I really dislike this experience, the often unsettling unpredictability of time and space. We spend a lot of our days and nights waiting as time shifts between the zones. We have moments together, but they’re always painfully fleeting. It will be so nice – thirty days from now – to have you in my time zone, my arms, my bed. Very nice indeed.
I love YOU.


The distance may be great and all we have is the phone. Sometimes we stay up extremely late, like last night. Hearing your voice makes my sleepiness the next morning worth it. Emails, texting and talking will just have to make-do.
I’ll keep dreaming of us, until we can see each other again. (Christmas isn’t that far away) Being with you is all I think about. I get butterflies in my stomach, just at the mere thought of you. Did you know, you left me awestruck that weekend in November?

Distance may be great but I’ll always love you forever, I promise. 

I Will Love You

I have accepted you for who you are. Not what you can be.
All of you.
And I have and will love you none the less.

Time Wasted?

We spent so many years apart. Was that time wasted, or was it simply a requirement that we walk those long but merging paths first? Who knows. Maybe I didn’t have you back then but I have you now and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Counting The Days

My love, I cannot stand this. It is just too hard to be away from you. I am usually okay, but at times like this (especially tonight) it just becomes too much to bear. I cannot sleep tonight from thinking of you.

Each day that passes makes our love for each other grow stronger. Although I know it’s hard for us to be apart, distance means so little when you love someone so much. I know there is nothing that can keep us apart forever. Our desires will continue to stretch across any distance, over every mountain between us. 

Written Words

Miss You - Words

It begins with the written word, your words and mine, writing separately about our lives. The lives of two people in different parts of this vast Great White North. The existence of two ultimately lonely souls. Or was it two parts of one soul separated and lost?

 I miss you my love.

The Only Thing I Want

Love - I Love U

The only thing I want is to be in love with you. I want to spend a lifetime just watching your mouth speaking the words that captivate me.

The only thing I want is to be in love with you… to watch each day pass by like seconds on a clock that never runs.

I only want to forget the world, forget everything I’ve ever known… I want to find myself in you and become what I have longed for.

I Miss You

Miss You - Words

I miss you so much right now…
I need to feel you against me.
I want to melt in your embrace.
I need you so much right now…
I crave your lips on my neck…
And the way you whisper in my ear,
that makes me weak at the knees.
I want you so much right now…
I miss your smile and your laugh.

I miss your warmth and your touch.
I miss everything that you are.
I miss everything you make me feel, when we’re together.

Every passing day we spend apart is pure torture…
Seeing you at last, made it all worthwhile.
But still I have to say…
I miss you so much right now…

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