The Insidious Poison of Disengagement in Your Relationship

When one partner in the relationship begins to disengage…. this is the warning sign of impending doom. Beyond the worst argument, the most hurtful betrayal, the cruelest words — disengagement is death knell for any relationship.

Disengagement is simply the loss of willingness to invest time, energy, and emotion into the relationship. It is flat-lining, going belly up without caring enough to put up a fight, much less to put in the work needed to keep the relationship alive and thriving. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.

When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears—the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain—there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness.

You are bound but unraveling at the same time. It only takes one person to disengage for the poison to spread and infect the relationship. Eventually the person trying to engage and seeking engagement from the other will give up. Sometimes this is exactly what the disengager wants. They are passively trying to end the relationship. Other times they are blind to the havoc they are creating and only wake up when their loved gives them a wake-up call or walks away.

Full article: http://liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/the-insidious-poison-of-disengagement-in-your-relationships

One Million Views

OMGoodness, I’m so frigging surprised right now. My blog  has been viewed over a million times! At the time of posting this has been viewed 1,000,022 times. A huge thanks to everyone who keeps visiting andimissyou.

It started out as a happy blog about love but the last few months it’s turned into a sad blog about a breaking relationship. People say that marriage isn’t easy and you have your ups and downs. Well, mine is definitely experiencing a low point.

If you are fortunate enough to share your life with someone you love, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to make an effort every day in your relationship.

They say love conquers all and that all you need is love, but unfortunately a solid relationship needs more than that. It requires being there for each other, giving support, showing love, feeling loved, being grateful that you are sharing your lives together, and above all, showing your appreciation every day.

Never stop trying to keep the love alive because once one person stops trying, it’s the beginning of the end.

Too Much, Too Little

A relationship fails from the lies and the deceit and the betrayal and the hurt and the pain. There are no excuses, reasons, no ways around it. One person forgets to recognise the effort, the trials, the fighting for one another. You forget that she has put up with all of your faults, your imperfections,  all your ugly-parts-that-nobody-would-ever-accept.

I never wanted to give up— in terms of on you or us. I never wanted to give up because I knew you in ways that you didn’t think I did. I knew your past, your secrets. You knew all of mine. We opened each other up and scrutinized and examined and took what we wanted and ran away with what only we needed.

What you loved more than me hurt me constantly and instead of trying to make you change, I tried to adapt to them and in the process, lost myself and my morals, my priorities, my wants and needs. And in turn, I lost my way. And I’ve realised I allowed myself to put your happiness above my own.

And it sits here, in this room, it takes up so much space and I just watch it day to day wondering if life would have been better. If you would have ever put me above it.

Broken

I want you to love me like I loved you.

I want you to hurt like I have been hurting.

I wish fairy tales were true because you would have saved my heart, not broke it in two.

Set Up to Take the Fall

Why do we get into relationships? We allow a person into our lives and into our hearts, risking heartbreak and emotional turbulence, hoping that the good times will outweigh the bad. We let our guard down in exchange for connection. We invest our very selves in something much bigger than us; the possibility of falling in love.

How safe is it to invest in the idea of something more? Are we just fooling ourselves, or do we really have another half? Are we betting too much in this love game, all the while setting ourselves up to be hurt?

Feelings

alone

I don’t want to feel anything. At all. But sometimes the feelings attack me so hard I can’t ignore them anymore. They push and push and push, until they finally come through, and then, usually, I run. I can’t bear to deal with them, and I certainly can’t deal with the feelings that come after.

 

Lost the Loving Feeling

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
And there’s no tenderness like before in your fingertips
You’re trying hard not to show it
But baby, baby I know it

You lost that lovin’ feelin’
Whoa, that lovin’ feelin’
You lost that lovin’ feelin’
Now it’s gone, gone, gone,

Now there’s no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you
And now you’re starting to criticize little things I do
It makes me just feel like crying
‘Cause baby, something beautiful’s dyin’

Baby, baby, I’d get down on my knees for you
If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah
We had a love, a love, a love you don’t find everyday
So don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t let it slip away