We’ve been through many ups and downs in our relationship. Today on our anniversary I want to express how thankful I am that we’ve stayed together through it all. The best is yet to come!
♡
Loving someone is being the steady hand to pick them up when they fall over, cleaning their scrapes and cuts out, and making sure no permanent damage was done. And giving them the confidence to raise their head high and walk boldly on, without worrying who might’ve seen them tumble.
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I want to go on a road trip. Just you and me. The highway, the radio, the blue sky, the back roads, and windows down. We will talk about everything and nothing. We will make memories we will never forget. Just you and me.
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You have to love someone in the cracks between the big moments. You have to grab their hand when you’re sitting on the couch watching Shark Tank together and you have to give them a little knowing look that says, “I see you and I love you here in the mundane moments of our life.”
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I love you. After all this time. I still love you. It’s always been you. It was you yesterday. It was you today. It will be you tomorrow. And for the rest of my life. It will be you. I love you.
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Loving someone is letting them dump all their shit on you anytime they need to. Not because you’re an emotional punching bag, but because you both silently agreed to be there for one another, through the highs and the lows. It’s about being stronger than usual when your partner is feeling a little fragile, and doing whatever you need to pull them through this turbulent moment. So it doesn’t matter where you are or what’s going on, you show up for your person because you promised that you would.
Loving someone is about letting go of what happened in the past, and living fully in today. Forgiving each other for what you said or didn’t say, for old wounds and mindless mistakes. Because you know that clinging on will only add fuel to rage and fury – neither of which belong in a space of love.
Loving someone is being grateful for them every damn day. Even those days where your world is turning upside down, inside out, and it leaves your head spinning. Especially on those days. Because you get to go home to this person and wake up to another sunrise with them.
Do you have any idea how many people wish they could have that too? So remember to hug them, to kiss them, and to tell them they are loved, often.
♡
“I Love you” means I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times.
♡
Forgiveness isn’t easy. Losing someone’s trust can take as little as half a second, but gaining it back takes time. Forgiving is a lengthy process. No matter how bad you want the whole thing to be over and for everything to go back to normal, it won’t for a while. You’ll always find the thought, the memory, hidden in your mind in the most obvious place, waiting for the right time to remind you that your heart is broken and that your attempt at a smile doesn’t hide it well enough. It’s hard to forgive someone you gave everything to because you know they’ll treat it with recklessness. They’ve done it before.
Sweet child, all your worst fears were realized, and yet you lived through it, lived to tell the tale, now with drier eyes and a steady voice
How can you not see that as a superpower, as proof of your divine strength?
I am now the girl with an imperfectly mended heart. I am now the girl who is not as broken anymore. I am now the girl who knows what forgiveness is. I am now the girl who forgives you.
♡
Forgive anyone who has caused you pain or harm. Keep in mind that forgiveness is not for others. It is for you.
Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering without anger. It frees up your power, heals your body, mind, and spirit.
Forgiveness opens up a pathway to a new place of peace where you can persit despite what has happened to you.
In order to move on from the past, you need to make the decision to forgive, even if the person is not worthy of your forgiveness. Because no matter the amount of pain they caused you, in order to forget, you need to forgive.
♡
I want us to last. I didn’t want a few amazing years and then for it to be over in a flash.
I don’t want to experience the feeling of hurt, confusion, or disappointment again.
No matter what we run into and no matter how hard things get, I want us to stick together.
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A perfect reliationship isn’t actually perfect at all, it consists of two people who NEVER give up on each other despite any hurt or pain.
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To love someone, and I mean really love someone, is to love them on the hardest of days. When the odds are stacked against you. When neither of you is in your finest hour.
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I forgive you, I really do. I am releasing this into the universe, surrendering it all because carrying this heaviness and hurt is a poison that is slowly killing me. I’m making the choice to forgive you because I need peace in my heart.
I forgive you for not loving me the way I wanted you to, the way you told me you would in the beginning. I forgive you for not being the man I thought you were, the man you pretended to be. I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you for not wanting me the way I wanted you. I forgive you for all these feelings of unworthiness you brought to my doorstep and left for me to clean up. (It’s going to take a long time to clean up this mess.)
I forgive you breaking my tender heart and making me feel like nothing special. I forgive you for the tears I cried, for this empty feeling in my heart. I forgive you for not being man enough to talk to me and tell me how you felt. I forgive you for not thinking enough of me or our time together to tell me the truth.
As hard as it is, I forgive you for it all.
♡
The best revenge is no revenge. Move on, be happy.
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You could break my heart into tiny little pieces and I’d still pick them up and put them back in your hand.
(Hard to find someone like that, right?)
💔
I stayed because I know, that somewhere, underneath the anger and hatred I’m feeling at the moment, beneath that shield of bitterness and disappointments. I know, he’s still there. That man that I love and adore. The one who first made me believe that this is all worth fighting for. I have faith, that someday, he will eventually be revived. When he’s ready to continue this adventure that we started together. I know someday, his heart will be awakened and he’ll continue our journey to fight for our love that is worth fighting for. I have faith that someday, he’ll come back… I will hear him tell me those three words again. And I will believe him.
This is the reason why I stayed.
It’s so easy to love someone when things are perfect and everything’s wonderful. But to love someone when things are difficult, when they’re not being perfect, when they’re messing up, flaws are seen, mistakes are made – I think that’s what really allows you to see how much love is really there.
Anyone can love someone who is doing and saying all the right things but to love someone when they are lost, when you’re willing to stand by them no matter how challenging or difficult things may be, I think that kind of love is real.
Sometimes I think about when we used to talk. We’d talk about dreams and fears and how real change could happen with a little time. But now more than a little time has gone by and now we don’t talk anymore. I try to remember all the things I wanted then. And all the things I want now and what’s different and what’s the same. I sometimes miss that dreaming we would do when we still talking. Before the avalanche came down and everything changed. When I believed in you and thought you believed in me.
Because even if things were wrong then and I knew about it, I didn’t yet know the full extent. I couldn’t possibly have. And even if I was without that knowledge, ignorant me was happy with the dreaming. She was happy with the talking. Sometimes those are the things we’re willing to trade. Talking instead of silence. Dysfunction instead of truth. Dreaming instead of leaving. A happy me for a happier you.
You can’t pick and choose the things you want in a person, but if I could, I’d pick the you who would let me rest my head on his chest and tell me the things he wanted to do.
♡
I wanted to live happily ever after. I wanted to cook breakfast with you in the mornings and fall asleep with you in the evenings. I wanted to see what you looked like with grey hair. I had so much more planned for us and I feel like our love story ended prematurely.
But maybe we can still do those things. Maybe our story hasn’t officially ended yet.
♡
I watched you destroy everything we had and I didn’t say a word because… I still loved you.
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I wish I could stop playing through scenarios of what could have been and where it all went wrong. I wish I could just move on. I wish I could just let go of you, of us.
But, in this moment, wishing for things is all there is, because reality is that in this space is where I am, I still love you.
I still wonder what made you give up, and I still resent fear for digging its claws in you and us.
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Sometimes, when I say I’m okay, I want you to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say, “I know you’re not.”
♡
Even when I’ve learned to live with insecurities, I still am afraid that I may be losing you. I now wonder if I’m capable of meeting what you desire. Sometimes I wish I was a little different – skinniner, sexier, a gym freak – perhaps that would diminish the voices in my head. But no, I am me, not her.
When you are a good person you don’t lose people, they lose you.
💔
Looks like I won “the I love you more” game.
One I would have gladly given anything to lose.
💔
I miss when love felt simple. When love was without thought and without worry. I miss when love felt as natural and as easy as breathing, when everything we did and everything we said was out of love.
I miss when love was not a list of reasons why I should stay and why I should go, neither of them winning, neither of them making sense. I miss when love was not tangled up in resentment and hurt, and anger.
I miss when you were the answer to every question, not the one creating them. I miss when love was not a game of secrets when I had to play detective to uncover your latest crime. I miss when you told me things before I discovered them, I miss when there was never anything to discover in the first place. I miss when your phone did not feel like a loaded weapon, when it did not feel like something which would go off and rip my entire world apart. I miss when female names did not feel like stab wounds to my chest. I miss when I was not convinced you wanted to fuck her. I miss calmness inside my body instead of this twisting, sickening feeling like I’m hurtling towards the ground.
I miss when love felt simple. When love was exactly what I had spent my whole life knowing it to be. I miss when love was just happiness and contentment when our love was the definition of the word. I miss when I knew that what I felt and what we shared was love. It was easier that way, certain, concrete. Love meant you and me forever, for always.
But now, I’m not sure what love is, I’m not even sure it lives with us anymore. I miss when love was not tears and silent treatment. When love was not locking myself in the bathroom and sobbing so much my chest felt as if it might collapse. I miss when love was not this, not hurtful, not pain. I miss when love felt like love, like flying, like freedom. I miss when love did not feel like a knife carving away at me, taking pieces of me, making me come apart.
I miss when love felt simple.
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Even when I realised I could no longer trust you, I still could not keep myself from loving you. Even when I realised you didn’t deserve me, I still felt like I deserved you. Because I had already given so much of me, and invested so much time and energy into “us” that it didn’t seem fair to walk away with nothing.
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I can’t promise you the world, I can’t promise you the sky, I can’t promise you that we will never fight, I can’t promise you that I will never cry.
But I can promise you that I will always be true to you. I promise to never hurt you and never break your heart. I promise to always care for you. And I promise that I will always love you more than anything with all my heart, no matter what happens or what we go through, baby I’ll love you until the end of time!
♥
I always think of you before I fall asleep. The words you said, the way you looked. The things we laughed about, the silent moments we shared. And when I dream, I’ll dream of you. Because it’s about you, it’s always about you.
♡