We were madly in love. I believed we had a close to perfect marriage; but then I sensed some changes in your behaviour. I realised you were not being faithful to me. I was devastated.
In the process of trying to make sense of it, I felt the need to revisit your transgressions, again and again those messages play in my mind. But this is extremely hurtful, and in the process, I’ve tortured myself terribly, and repeatedly.
There is a loss of closeness between us that still exists, you had been sharing time and things with another woman, and I had been an outsider. The longer this went on the more visuals got recorded in my brain and I couldn’t forget. I can’t forget.
I’d like nothing more than to forget but you can’t not know once you know, can you? Our brains are funny like that. All this unearthed information is firmly cemented in my memory, actual mental images with which to brood and virtually relive over and over. This means it’s very difficult to progress to any kind of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is hard. Forgetting is next to impossible.
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