Love’s Journey

For years I longed for someone to come along who understood me, someone who wanted what I did. And then I found him, though I’d known him all along. He was the man who stole my heart years ago. My soul never forgot him. We began to understand that what we had was a connection so much stronger than love. I found I no longer saw him as the conflicted man who loved me but was too scared to admit it. Instead I saw a man who saw me and understood me like no one else ever could. A man who knew just what it was I needed. I saw a man who awakened feelings in me I thought I had let go of all those years ago. I saw a man who had a heart of gold, one who would give me the world if he could, who would take care of me and love me the way I needed it. I saw a man who wanted what I did and who was strong enough to take it. I saw a man who understood that so long as he was good to me he’d be my everything and I would do almost anything to please him. To love him and be loved by him is more than anything I’ve ever dreamed and I am so very thankful that we get to take this journey together… to be curled up by his side is sometimes the only place I want to be, his hand in my hair and the warmth of his love upon my skin. He is my best friend, my lover, my everything… and I love him more than life itself.

I love YOU.

In My Eyes

Just over a year I go I would have been surprised if someone told me I’d be where I am today. I would have denied it adamantly. My own smile was not recognizable to me in the months prior to that blog post. I never intended for you to read it. But that post brought you along, back into my life.

I’d been stubborn and a pain in your ass, but to you I was still worth something. I was beautiful, charming, a little crazy, and slightly up and down, but I was passionate. Even the moments in which you noticed my accent, turned into memorable moments in which I was adorable in your eyes. I was everything to you I had always wanted to be to somebody.

In the last year we’ve loved and laughed. The year has had its many ups, and the occasional down, but we have managed to stay and head over heels for one another. You have become my best friend, my lover, my husband and the man of my dreams. You definitely make me feel a little more normal than perhaps I really am. Know that with every “I love you” you say, brings much comfort in the fact that your heart is mine and to this day you remain amazing in my eyes.

My Husband Is…

… wonderful.

Today, I want to brag on my husband a bit. I want to tell you what’s so great about him.

My husband is generous. He is confident with who he is. He sets the example of a hard-working man. He does so much – he is Chief Mechanic, Master Handyman, Bringer of Bacon and all that jazz. If there is a problem he will find a solution. He is fun-loving and adventurous. We laugh a lot. He has the patience of a saint. (I suppose he needs that living with me.) He likes to shop. He likes to travel and try new things. He isn’t a picky eater. He takes care of his family in that old-fashioned, man’s man way while treating me with respect as his partner. He flirts with me (I love that – it makes me feel beautiful.) When it comes to passion there is no one that equals him, not by a long shot.

It’s in the gestures … The way he smells my hair and inhales my heart in. The way he gets so close to my face our noses almost touch and our eyes drink in each other’s soul. The way his arms surround my shaky world and squeezes me so tight into the steadiness of his. The way he contains me – my anger … my insecurities … my mood swings. The calmness of him. The easiness in his expressions.

I am full of shortcomings and yet he puts up with them all, especially my bouts of over-active blabber. Things fall from my mouth without rhyme or reason and are sometimes flights of fancy that are gone in a moment or two but he just smiles and says I’m cute.

My husband truly is the greatest man in the world. He is the only man I’ve ever met who has not only made me feel the way I do, but can really truly handle me in my entirety and still love me unconditionally at the same time. When I am with him, I feel alive. He brings me a happiness that no one else ever has.

 I think I could go on and on… I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the entire world. I can’t imagine life without him.

Your Inner Child

Honestly, you act just like a ten-year-old boy sometimes. (Thinking about “shoes” as I write this.)

If you are at all familiar with the qualities of a ten-year-old (and I know you are), you know that words like “brat” come to mind immediately. On one hand, there is still a sweet boyishness, with their tousled hair, freckled faces and sweet baby cheeks. On the other hand, their eyes are usually gleaming with orneriness, and an impish grin resides permanently between those baby cheeks. Oh, the language that erupts from those innocent little mouths during those years. Everything from insults to swear words comes flying out at least once, and then, ever so carefully the limits are tested. How much back-talk will mom, dad, or a teacher put up with before the boundaries are slammed down with gale force? It’s like the secret pact of every ten-year-old to annoy and frustrate their siblings to tears, to antagonize and goad their parents to the point of explosion and to just flat-out wear everybody out with their annoying antics.

I see a boyishness in you, my darling husband, at some of the oddest moments. I have a personal window into your soul that no other person on earth has. You can make me want to kiss your sweet cheeks one moment and tempt me to slap them hard the very next. ツ

I love to see the inner child so plainly in you, just one more thing to love about you.

He Loves Me

My husband, the man I chose. You were single, close to being awarded confirmed batchelor status, but after all those years of being a single man, you chose me.

There is nothing that binds us together outside of ourselves and our choice to be with one another. You have promised to love me for the rest of your life. That is a super powerful feeling. Knowing that I am loved makes all the difference in the world to me. Life is hard and relationships are hard work: why bother at all, if there isn’t love?

How do I know you love me? Well, that would be a post for another day, but suffice it to say, you declare your love to me in a myriad of ways. It’s definitely not like the old farmer’s wife joke. In “Fiddler on the Roof” the wife asks her husband one day if he loves her. The old farmer bellows, “Woman, I told you once on the day we got married, and if it ever changes I’ll let you know!”

I sometimes take for granted the ways you express your love for me, often through good deeds or provision of material needs, sometimes those ways are too subtle, sometimes I need bluntness. But no matter how you say it or show it, I always know that you love me … I can feel it in my heart. And, I love you.

Spicy Love

I’m watching people, the days and life pass. I see couples and kids and dogs and bikes and summertime things that make me happy.

But each passing moment has me missing you more. It seems like forever since I’ve seen you. The “we” stuff is sitting on the stove … should I be doing something with it? Should I stir it? Should I add some salt and pepper? Maybe so because last night I had a spicy dream about you. No one seems to add flavour to my day, or night, like you. Your presence, whether in real time or dreamtime, puts me in another space. 

Dragon Slayer

My prince, you’ve disappeared into the wilds of northern Canada and I’m here in my little East Coast kingdom. I know you’re out there dragon slaying and this princess is tending to her own little kingdom. But it just would be nice to have my prince stop by for a drink and say “good going, woman” … take me in your arms for a hug and enjoy being alive and in the same place.

Not so … you’re slaying a really big, big dragon – one that breathes fire and black smoke and whose breath smells, oddly enough, like roofing tar. I’ll let you alone to enjoy the carnage. I know when I have left my little kingdom behind and am carried to yours on silver wings, we’ll live that happily ever after story (with maybe some ogre’s thrown in just to keep it exciting).