I Never Agreed to Share Your Heart

Love

I don’t want a relationship where I am suspicious of you. I don’t want to watch you flip your phone upside down when I enter the room and add a passcode just in case you leave it behind when you run to the bathroom. I don’t want to wonder who you are texting. I don’t want to be on the constant lookout for signs you are cheating.

I don’t want to deal with the baggage that comes with you cheating on me. I don’t want to feel disrespected by someone who is supposed to love me.

I would rather have you do the mature, adult thing and leave me before you come close to acting unfaithful. I would rather have you rip the Bandaid off right this second than continue to be with me while flirting with another behind my back.

I never signed up for an open relationship. I never agreed to share your heart. If you cannot give me every single sliver, then take the entire thing away. I would rather watch you leave than have you sit beside me wishing you were gone.

I should be enough for you. You should not be looking for comfort outside from me. You don’t get to be in a relationship on days off while acting single at work. You get to choose one or the other. You have to make a decision — and it should not be a difficult one.

Whether you leave me or cheat on me, you are going to hurt me, so you might as well do it in the most respectful way possible. You might as well handle my heart gently by telling me it is over.

I would rather have you leave me than cheat on me. I would rather have you break my heart the old fashioned way than pretend you care about me when you are already invested in someone else.

Voices In My Head

 

Voices in My Head

Even when I’ve learned to live with insecurities, I still am afraid that I may be losing you. I now wonder if I’m capable of meeting what you desire. Sometimes I wish I was a little different – skinniner, sexier, a gym freak – perhaps that would diminish the voices in my head. But no, I am me, not her.

Stars In Your Eyes

giphy

I saw stars in your eyes. But, they were twinkling for someone else’s sky.

💔

When You Fall In Love

When You Fall in Love

When I was in university my psychology professor said:

“When you fall in love with someone you aren’t interested in anyone else. If you are, you aren’t in love.”

I think everyone needs to hear that.

Worst Feeling Ever

Seeing someone slowly lose interest in you is probably one of the worst feelings ever.

💔

 

Under a Microscope

under a microscope

You were too busy finding faults in me while I was too busy overlooking yours.

💔

 

Love Me Just the Way I Am

Appreciate Your Love

You tend to get a little idealistic. You romanticize someone to the point where you almost take away their humanity. When you finally start to realize that they are only human, made up of quirks and mistakes, you lose interest pretty quickly and are constantly disappointed because people never live up to the version of them you’ve created in your mind. But, then again, how could they? You need to allow people room to be themselves, without your ideas of them. Stop being so hard on the person you love and try and learn to appreciate them just as they are.

I’m Not Perfect

I'm Not Perfect

Keep in mind that you’re never going to find someone who is perfect or a perfect match. Because the truth is, you’re not perfect. And you never will be. And you know what? Neither is anyone else. You’re only going to find other flawed human beings who are going to do their best to love you. Try and accept and appreciate less than perfection. You’ll find it easier to find love that way.

 

Attention Seekers

Attention Seeker

… and I would rather have the heart of one man, over the attention of many.

💔

 

What Will Be, Will Be

What Will Be Will Be

I won’t ever tell you what you can and cannot do. I’ve signed up to be your partner, not your parent. If you want to put yourself in a position that can ruin what we have, then so be it.

What I will tell you is what I like and don’t like. This is where compromise and respect comes in.

Suspicious

Suspicious

I hate being suspicious about things, but damn  that gut feeling is always right.

💔

What Do Your Actions Show

What do you want hand writing with a black mark on a transparent board

Never try to control him. Let him do what he wants so you can see what he’d rather do. His actions will show how much he respects you.

 

Disposable Love

Disposable Love

Love, despite living in Disposable Culture, will not dispose of a person for some far-off idealization of a perfect person.

💔

The Insidious Poison of Disengagement in Your Relationship

When one partner in the relationship begins to disengage…. this is the warning sign of impending doom. Beyond the worst argument, the most hurtful betrayal, the cruelest words — disengagement is death knell for any relationship.

Disengagement is simply the loss of willingness to invest time, energy, and emotion into the relationship. It is flat-lining, going belly up without caring enough to put up a fight, much less to put in the work needed to keep the relationship alive and thriving. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.

When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears—the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain—there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness.

You are bound but unraveling at the same time. It only takes one person to disengage for the poison to spread and infect the relationship. Eventually the person trying to engage and seeking engagement from the other will give up. Sometimes this is exactly what the disengager wants. They are passively trying to end the relationship. Other times they are blind to the havoc they are creating and only wake up when their loved gives them a wake-up call or walks away.

Full article: http://liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/the-insidious-poison-of-disengagement-in-your-relationships

In the Silence

In the Silence

And in the silence I suddenly understood the many ways a person can die but still be alive.

💔

Phubbing

Phubbing

Phubbing: the habit of snubbing someone in favour of a mobile phone

 

One day she’ll get tired.

You’ll know when that day comes.

It will be the day you feel as ignored as she did.

💔

 

 

Why I’m a Bitch

 

Why Im a Bitch

Because every time I call you out on your shit, you flip it the fuck around and make it seem like I’m the one at fault. The majority of the time you KNOW you did something wrong but are too big of a dick to admit it.

💔

Maybe, Just Maybe

With time I came to see, that the frantic, broken, anxious, unhinged version of me was nothing to be ashamed of. I was simply a kindhearted person reacting to a very unkind situation.

💔

 

A Woman’s Intuition

Women's Intution

A woman’s intuition is dangerous.
If she keeps questioning you about a specific topic, over and over again, she really isn’t looking for an answer. She already knows the truth but wants to see if you’re going to be honest with her.

 

 

I Care

I Care

When you are a good person you don’t lose people, they lose you.

💔

Game of Love

Love

Looks like I won “the I love you more” game.

One I would have gladly given anything to lose.

💔

Simple Love

Simple Love

I miss when love felt simple. When love was without thought and without worry. I miss when love felt as natural and as easy as breathing, when everything we did and everything we said was out of love.

I miss when love was not a list of reasons why I should stay and why I should go, neither of them winning, neither of them making sense. I miss when love was not tangled up in resentment and hurt, and anger.

I miss when you were the answer to every question, not the one creating them. I miss when love was not a game of secrets when I had to play detective to uncover your latest crime. I miss when you told me things before I discovered them, I miss when there was never anything to discover in the first place. I miss when your phone did not feel like a loaded weapon, when it did not feel like something which would go off and rip my entire world apart. I miss when female names did not feel like stab wounds to my chest. I miss when I was not convinced you wanted to fuck her. I miss calmness inside my body instead of this twisting, sickening feeling like I’m hurtling towards the ground.

I miss when love felt simple. When love was exactly what I had spent my whole life knowing it to be. I miss when love was just happiness and contentment when our love was the definition of the word. I miss when I knew that what I felt and what we shared was love. It was easier that way, certain, concrete. Love meant you and me forever, for always.

But now, I’m not sure what love is, I’m not even sure it lives with us anymore. I miss when love was not tears and silent treatment. When love was not locking myself in the bathroom and sobbing so much my chest felt as if it might collapse. I miss when love was not this, not hurtful, not pain. I miss when love felt like love, like flying, like freedom. I miss when love did not feel like a knife carving away at me, taking pieces of me, making me come apart.

I miss when love felt simple.

💔

 

One Day

One Day

One day you will understand why storms are named after people.

💔

Be Loyal or Stay Single

 

Be Loyal

It should be a no brainer.

💔

You’re There

What Really Matters

And you knew what you were doing when you were doing it.

💔

 

 

 

You Realize

You Realize

And finally you realize…. you can’t force consistency, loyalty or even honesty.

You can’t force them to keep their word, or to communicate… or to realize something special is right in front of them.

💔

 

Profound Statement

Profound Statement

The mind replays what the heart cannot delete. Such a profound statement.

💔

 

One Million Views

OMGoodness, I’m so frigging surprised right now. My blog  has been viewed over a million times! At the time of posting this has been viewed 1,000,022 times. A huge thanks to everyone who keeps visiting andimissyou.

It started out as a happy blog about love but the last few months it’s turned into a sad blog about a breaking relationship. People say that marriage isn’t easy and you have your ups and downs. Well, mine is definitely experiencing a low point.

If you are fortunate enough to share your life with someone you love, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to make an effort every day in your relationship.

They say love conquers all and that all you need is love, but unfortunately a solid relationship needs more than that. It requires being there for each other, giving support, showing love, feeling loved, being grateful that you are sharing your lives together, and above all, showing your appreciation every day.

Never stop trying to keep the love alive because once one person stops trying, it’s the beginning of the end.

Too Much, Too Little

A relationship fails from the lies and the deceit and the betrayal and the hurt and the pain. There are no excuses, reasons, no ways around it. One person forgets to recognise the effort, the trials, the fighting for one another. You forget that she has put up with all of your faults, your imperfections,  all your ugly-parts-that-nobody-would-ever-accept.

I never wanted to give up— in terms of on you or us. I never wanted to give up because I knew you in ways that you didn’t think I did. I knew your past, your secrets. You knew all of mine. We opened each other up and scrutinized and examined and took what we wanted and ran away with what only we needed.

What you loved more than me hurt me constantly and instead of trying to make you change, I tried to adapt to them and in the process, lost myself and my morals, my priorities, my wants and needs. And in turn, I lost my way. And I’ve realised I allowed myself to put your happiness above my own.

And it sits here, in this room, it takes up so much space and I just watch it day to day wondering if life would have been better. If you would have ever put me above it.

Broken

I want you to love me like I loved you.

I want you to hurt like I have been hurting.

I wish fairy tales were true because you would have saved my heart, not broke it in two.

Set Up to Take the Fall

Why do we get into relationships? We allow a person into our lives and into our hearts, risking heartbreak and emotional turbulence, hoping that the good times will outweigh the bad. We let our guard down in exchange for connection. We invest our very selves in something much bigger than us; the possibility of falling in love.

How safe is it to invest in the idea of something more? Are we just fooling ourselves, or do we really have another half? Are we betting too much in this love game, all the while setting ourselves up to be hurt?

Feelings

alone

I don’t want to feel anything. At all. But sometimes the feelings attack me so hard I can’t ignore them anymore. They push and push and push, until they finally come through, and then, usually, I run. I can’t bear to deal with them, and I certainly can’t deal with the feelings that come after.

 

Lost the Loving Feeling

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
And there’s no tenderness like before in your fingertips
You’re trying hard not to show it
But baby, baby I know it

You lost that lovin’ feelin’
Whoa, that lovin’ feelin’
You lost that lovin’ feelin’
Now it’s gone, gone, gone,

Now there’s no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you
And now you’re starting to criticize little things I do
It makes me just feel like crying
‘Cause baby, something beautiful’s dyin’

Baby, baby, I’d get down on my knees for you
If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah
We had a love, a love, a love you don’t find everyday
So don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t let it slip away

How Could You

How Could You

I took it personal because I wouldn’t have done it to you. Never.

💔

Privacy vs Secrecy

Positive Side of Secrecy: One spouse carries out some activities very secretly and it doesn’t have negative impact in married life. For example, secretly buying a ticket for holiday trip or planning an evening out without the knowledge of other partner but the secret results in a stronger relationship. Actually the motive behind these secrets are the care and thinking about the other partner and their happiness. In true sense, these are not called secrets but surprises.

Negative Side of Secrecy: There are circumstances when the love, trust and mutual respect is brutally dishonored by one or the other. This is happens when one spouse starts an element of secrecy, hiding something from other partner deliberately, something that would hurt the other partner. The secrecy is maintained by the person purposefully in order to keep the things concealed and mislead the other partner.  But the matters can’t be hidden for long and soon the person being deceived finds out and they are naturally shocked and feel betrayed.

A partner, who is betrayed in marriage, may never recover from its wrong impacts.

 

Body or Soul

 

Body or Soul

If a man loves a woman’s soul, he’ll end up loving one woman. But, if he just loves a woman’s body or face, all the women in the world won’t satisfy him.

What I Want

You want to be the last person he thinks about before he falls asleep. You want to be his first thought when he wakes up. You want to be the one he texts or calls when he’s bored.

Sadly, I’m not that one anymore.

I Wish I Could

I gave it all and you gave me shit
I wish I could do exactly what you did
I wish I could hurt you back
Love, what would you do if you couldn’t get me back
You’re the one who’s gonna lose
Something so special, something so real
Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel?
If you couldn’t get me back
That’s what I wish that I could do to you
💔

Anybody’s Heart

All that I wanted was just to feel safe
Safe in your arms

Say you didn’t mean to
Say I wouldn’t understand
But it’s time you say something
God knows it’s the one thing I need
And the heart you broke
Know it wasn’t just anybody’s heart

So I bit my nails and I held my breath
And I said I’m fine
Yeah, I did my best

~Anybody’s Heart by Katherine McPhee

And the heart you broke, it wasn’t just anybody’s heart… it was mine

 

So Confused

Oh, I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, I was wrong

If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn’t be so confused and I wouldn’t feel so used

Don’t let it fade
I’m sure I’m not being rude
But it’s just your attitude
It’s tearing me apart
It’s ruining every day for me
I swore I would be true
And fellow, so did you
So why were you holding her hand?
Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time?
Was it just a game to you?

 

 

And I Wonder

I understand feeling as small and insignificantly as humanly possible.

And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you.

And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or new clothes you get – you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.

And how in the heck, for that brief moment in time, you could think you were happy.

 

 

Broken Trust

Broken Trust

I trusted you….

That’s all I want to say.

💔

Love Is….

… love is a verb not a noun.

Love is the action we take daily, moment by moment and year by year.

And we are all judged by our actions.

Penny For Your Thoughts

 

Penny For Your Thoughts

And I can’t believe I hadn’t realized that when we spent all those moments together she was in the back of your mind the whole fucking time.

💔

Not Maybe

Not Maybe

Nothing boils my blood more than a guy making a girl feel crazy for her suspicions when he’s doing exactly what she’s questioning about.

 

People Change

People Change

She used to call him her “life.” So what happen then? Well, her “life” changed.

People change.

Even the devil was an angel once.

💔

I’m Not Perfect

I'm Not Perfect

I’m not perfect. When it comes to relationships, I mess up, I fall too hard, I get easily jealous. But there are three things I am proud of being me:

 

  1. I do not play
  2. I give my best
  3. When I choose you, it’s only you

 

Secret Relationship

The perils of a secret relationship always lie within the reasons why it’s secret.

 

 

What Really Matters

What Really Matters

I don’t care how many people flirt with you …. it’s what you say back that really matters.

💔

 

Promises

I can’t promise you the world, I can’t promise you the sky, I can’t promise you that we will never fight, I can’t promise you that I will never cry.
But I can promise you that I will always be true to you. I promise to never hurt you and never break your heart. I promise to always care for you. And I promise that I will always love you more than anything with all my heart, no matter what happens or what we go through, baby I’ll love you until the end of time!

 

 

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