I Love You

I Love You

Things are different now. No other eyes are as captivating. No other smile is as contagious.

No one else’s words are as reassuring. No other arms are as comforting. I don’t get butterflies at the thought of anyone else.

When another walks by, I no longer give a second look. It’s like no one else exists; no one but you. They say that “love is blind;” and if anything, I’m only blind to everyone else.

Seeing through the eyes of love is like seeing under a microscope. I see things in you that I could never see in others. Each little quirk, story, and moment with you are like the cells that make you who you are to me. It’s as though I’ve discovered something for the very first time, and now that I know of its existence I can’t imagine a world without.

As I learn about you, I am also learning about myself. I’ve never felt like I quite belonged in this world until now. Until I had someone to walk beside me, encourage me, dream with me.

I smile at the thought of you. I am sad at thought of being away from you.

Things are different now. A few years ago I never thought this would happen. I had given up hope. But here you are… my love, my happiness, my future.

Things are different now. I love you.

Always

You’re the guy all my love quotes are about, you’re the one I’m thinking about right now. ‘Cause I just really love you and I always will.

 

Get A Room

The things that I like are vast and complicated. I like a lot of things, I like to try new things and I like to be open to different experiences. To name a few things I like:

I like kissing, in fact I love kissing. Slow kisses, fast kisses, intense kisses, passionate kisses, long kisses, short kisses. I like the way you lick your lips before leaning in to press them against mine. I like how you hold my body close against yours as we kiss. I like running my hands through your hair as we kiss.

I like the way you smell; I like how the scent of you makes me just want to inhale you in. I like how you like the smell of me. I like when you tell me I smell good. I like when you breathe me in, smelling my desire, it makes me tingle.

I like the way you look at me when you’re turned on. I like your facial expression when you like what you see as you look at me. I like to see the hunger in your eyes when you look at me like you want me.

I like the way you touch me. I like how you know the things that I like. I like that you want to make me feel good. I like making you feel good. I like that we fit together.

So Glad

Years ago, I tried so desperately to let go of you. To kick you out of my heart, my mind, my dreams. I tried my hardest. And I succeeded … for a while. I ignored the tug at my heart every time I saw little things that reminded me of you (things like white vans, The Lunar Rogue). I ignored the jealous thoughts that would start to flare up when I thought of you with someone else. I was so used to being the one you would always have your hands on, so used to us absentmindedly touching each other’s arms, you tickling me tortuously, your kisses. So I became numb to it, I tried not to let it affect me. I fully convinced myself I was over you.

But that was then. Last year through by some really perfect act of the fates we connected again. Ours is a good story, the kind that they make movies about. The love, anger, tears, attraction, long late night conversations, the pain … eventually all that struggling was worth it.

The first time I saw you again I got hit with a feeling so hard that it damn near knocked me breathless. I had reservations but that weekend you made me fall for you all over again. I fell especially hard and fast. You soothed me, talked sense into me, explaining the reasons I already knew, reassuring me. Loving me. There are things you told me that elated me, and to this day are still etched almost perfectly into my memory.

You will always be the one I think of as my one true love. I am so glad you are my husband.

I love you.

He Loves Me

My husband, the man I chose. You were single, close to being awarded confirmed batchelor status, but after all those years of being a single man, you chose me.

There is nothing that binds us together outside of ourselves and our choice to be with one another. You have promised to love me for the rest of your life. That is a super powerful feeling. Knowing that I am loved makes all the difference in the world to me. Life is hard and relationships are hard work: why bother at all, if there isn’t love?

How do I know you love me? Well, that would be a post for another day, but suffice it to say, you declare your love to me in a myriad of ways. It’s definitely not like the old farmer’s wife joke. In “Fiddler on the Roof” the wife asks her husband one day if he loves her. The old farmer bellows, “Woman, I told you once on the day we got married, and if it ever changes I’ll let you know!”

I sometimes take for granted the ways you express your love for me, often through good deeds or provision of material needs, sometimes those ways are too subtle, sometimes I need bluntness. But no matter how you say it or show it, I always know that you love me … I can feel it in my heart. And, I love you.

My dearest husband,

So much of who I am today I owe to you. Do you remember the first time we were together, in that hotel room, in that little east coast town? We went from kissing, to exploring each other’s bodies, to rolling around on the bed – I was dizzy with passion. That morning began the period of my life where you woke me up, taught me how to live and how to love.

This letter is a thank you. You have taught me more about myself than I had ever thought possible. Despite a lifetime of secrets, I learned how to tell you the truth about anything and everything. And I learned that you wanted to hear it. Sometimes it was hard – it’s not easy to always tell someone the truth. But it was so important to me to do so, to tell you everything, to let you IN, that once I started telling you everything in my heart and head, I never looked back.

Thank you for knowing how I take my coffee. Thank you for always worrying about my safety and happiness. For making who I am the single most interesting thing in the world to you.

Thank you for touching me, holding me, making love to me, fucking me. And, for doing it whenever we want. Thank you for giving me the best times of my life, the stuff that most people only dream about but that I get to have. Thank you for the ring you gave me, which never comes off the finger on my left hand.

Thank you for telling me all the secrets you had. Thank you for dusting out the cobwebs in your soul and taking a chance on me again. Thank you for going with me to new places, to be able to eat and drink in a foreign city and whittle away the hours we were not in bed sightseeing and just being with me. Thank you for holding my hand when we walk.

Thank you for bringing me a drink when I am taking a bubble bath. For the love letters you wrote me. And for your face lighting up every time you saw me, every time I came into the room.

And most of all, thank you for waiting for me. For believing in us even when I was confused. Thank you for being the love of my life and my dearest friend.

I will always love you. Always.

 Love,

 Your wife

♥ 

The Best Thing

I know I don’t have much to offer. I am not rich. I am not powerful. I am not perfect in anyway. I can be difficult. I can be such a pain in the ass. I know once in a while I’m more than a little hard to handle.
But…

You make me feel like the most valuable person in the world. You don’t need to spend a whole lot to make me feel special. You do it all on your own, in words and actions.

I feel like I can do anything with you by my side. Even if the whole world turned against me, you would stand by me. I’m glad you believe in me.

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You love me for me. And that makes me happy.

You make it so easy to smile. You make me feel like I can do anything. Right now it’s hard because we can’t see each other day and sometimes we don’t even get to talk everyday, but through it all our relationship has stayed strong. I will never let you go and I’ll love you with everything I am for all of my life.

I Love You. Forever and Always.

How I Think

When I’m not there, do you think of me? When something’s bothering you, do you wish I were there to help comfort you? When you’ve had a long hard day, do you smile knowing that soon we’ll be together and everything will seem better? When you lay down at night, do you look back and cherish the old and new memories you’ve made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that it’s one day closer to seeing me?

Because that’s how I think of you.

I love you!

And…

And I want to massage your neck and kiss your face and hold your hand and go for a walk.

And talk about the day. Talk about your day, talk about my day. Watch great movies … watch terrible movies.

And tell you about the TV show I saw the night before and laugh at your jokes. Want you in the morning but let you sleep for awhile. Tell you how much I love your eyes, your mouth, your hands. To do anything I can to make you happier.

And sit on the steps smoking ’til you come home. And worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early.

And be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me. Look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever. Hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin.

And I’ll tell you the worst things about me and give you the best of me. Answer your questions when I’d rather not. And tell you the truth when I really don’t want to.

And hug you and hold you when you’re having a bad day and want you when I smell you. Melt when you smile. And tell you why I love the man who flew across the country one weekend because he loved me.

… And somehow communicate some of the over-whelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, ongoing, never-ending love I have for you. 

Memory Lane

It was nearly eight years ago when you entered my world. I had not expected an adventure to develop. A romance. We started out superficial. Surface level. But as time went on, you became my ultimate crush. I kept this to myself, how silly it was to fall for someone over private messages.

We were going to the same party and I convinced you to meet me first before heading off to the crowded party together. I was nervous to be around you. You gave me butterflies.

The next day our time together was quickly coming to an end, but neither of us was ready to end it. Then you asked me a question. I wish I could have seen me through your eyes that day.

In the weeks that followed I questioned you about your likes, your loves, your dislikes, your life. Everything. I wanted to soak you in. I wanted to know all about you.

My feelings for you intensified. In a very short time I realised it was more than a crush. You were a man I was madly and deeply in love with. You were true to what I had thought you to be and I had not thought it possible for me to like someone this much. I kept this to myself, how silly it was to fall for someone so quickly.

We had 2+ years together before we drifted apart. We weren’t meant to be at that particular moment in time.

Fast forward to October. We are in SJ for a second time and I was once again with the man that had captivated my heart, mind and body all those years ago. You – us – had become real to me once more. I realised you knew me. All aspects of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And you were still sitting there next to me. Again I found myself wishing I could have seen myself through your eyes. I wanted you. All of you. There was nothing more in this world that I wanted than to be yours once again. This time I didn’t think it was silly to fall for you so quickly and I didn’t keep it to myself.

Dream of Us

 

I want you to be the first person I wake up to and the last person I sleep to, so I can dream of us. . .
and make these dreams a real day.

Happy Valentine’s Day My Love

You are miles away from me this Valentine’s Day. I miss you but I am content just to sit here with memories of you, recent and more distant. I’d given up on finding a love like ours until you came back into my life. The unexpected always strikes out of the blue, in our case it started with that simple, little birthday wish … fate some would say.  

A whirlwind of experiences has swept through our lives over the past several months… reconnecting through emails and telephone calls; you flying half way across this vast country just to spend a few days with me; that first visit in SJ when you asked me once again, Who am I? and I knew just what you meant; the fortune cookies; our engagement and last month our wedding. We truly rock each other’s world and to think our journey is just beginning.

I want you to know that even though I say I love you a lot, the feelings behind the words never change. Whether I say it once or say it a million times, I love you just the same every time and always will from now and for the rest of our lives.

Happy Valentine’s Day … my man, my husband, my M. I love you!

Another Day

Today is another day that I will spend too far away from you. The house is silent as I am the only one awake and as I sit here with my morning coffee I have a moment to breathe before all the activities of the day begin. The peacefulness is allowing me to think only about you and to reflect upon the lovely words you email and text me. Your words are so eloquent and yet so casual … like an expert chef who doesn’t need to think about the ingredients for his special delicious. I can’t seem to do that adequately, in my mind, in the course of everyday emails. I try to convey how much I love you but in order to do so I have to sit quietly and construct each sentence just so – as I am now.

This is part of what has been on my mind this morning:

I miss you with me. I dream of you. With every message, every phone call, and every email from you, I feel more loved than I have ever felt in my entire life. And what I find so beautiful is the amazing connection of our souls. It’s knowing that no matter where we are or what we are doing there is one person who loves each of us unconditionally. It is safe and comfortable as much as it is beautiful. It is how we have overcome the physical separation. It is how we dream and hope and live. I’m already so close to you, I feel you inside me, but I want to be next to you, touching you, inhaling your scent, tasting your lips. Like you, I just want to be close. 

My Love In Technicolor

Before you, my world was grey.

Except, to my eyes, it was normal, this lack of colour was acceptable, relatable; my world was a lack of all that was vibrant and right.

Then you entered my life, like mellow and relaxing music, like a comfortable atmosphere, you surrounded me and put me at ease, thereby allowing snippets of colour to be injected into the monotony that was my day after day after day.

I heard your voice and listened to you laugh once again. I read your words, they touched me and brought back memories buried deep within my subconscious. You lifted me up, placed me next to you and commenced to tell me things about myself that I had forgotten. Things no one else had noticed, things no one else cared about.

More colours, more lights, into a world that had long since forgotten their meanings.

And I adored you; I was amazed with your actions and your wit, your love and your abilities. And I saw you, took in the handsome smoothness of your face, looked into the green eyes that captivated me so. I held your hand, was struck by the realization that my love was as solid for you as your hand in mine.

You guided me with love…and the life of the colours I had dismissed, were brought back in full flow.

I was dizzy from watching them, but you held me steady and delighted in seeing my childlike wonder in the new world we discovered…

…and then you had to go.

I had to leave the colours, leave the lights, leave the life that I enjoyed so much and was growing fond of…a life with you.

Now here, in this hell, comprised of cold and desolate plains, where there is nothing but grey and lifeless to be seen, I miss you with the fiercest passion.

And to alleviate the pain, I spend my time plotting.

Plotting my life with you.

Hope

I sit here at home, wondering how things are going, wondering how you are doing. Wishing I could be there by your side.

For you see…

I miss your voice that soothed me when I was scared and shushed the rising of tears when it was time for you to go.

I miss your touch that held me tight through the night, promising that you would never let go.

I miss your eyes that held love only for me.

I miss your ears that listened to every word I spoke we talked for hours.

I miss your kisses that were hot across my skin when you kissed me goodbye.

Most of all…

I miss you. You are all I ever wanted. All I ever needed.

Do me a favour my love … when you send emails from that far away place, tell me that you are coming home soon. Because that gives me hope, hope that soon I will hold you again.

I love you!

Just Longing For You

Every second of my day,
My body is calling for you,
My mind is calling for you,
My soul is calling for you,

And my heart is screaming for you.

It’s so much easier to be apart, when I know how long we are parted, and when that time is short. Then my body, and my mind, and my soul, and especially my heart, can try to wait patiently.

However, now we are separated, not by a weekend trip with family, or a Saturday job, or an outing with friends. We are separated by: an eleven-hour flight, a three-hour time difference, ever shifting work and stupidly expensive texting rates.

So of course my body, and my mind, and my soul, and especially my heart, start their loud and constant objection.

So now, at nights I am kept awake by thoughts of you. Then I am plagued by blissful dreams of you. And I am kept restless knowing I cannot be in your arms where I belong.

And what does my heart do?

It cries,
And weeps,
And screams,
And begs.

But most of all, it will lie there, feeling hollow and broken, because part of it, remains with you. And in these quiet moments, of longing you be reunited with you, I find myself drifting. And I clutch the reminder of you that I wear around my neck, in my small, tight fist.

And I just long for you.

 ♥

Missing

I’m sitting here drinking my morning coffee, and thinking about “missing”.

Missing is a strange thing that I never thought applied to my life. But, now you’ve flown away, I miss you with a fiery intensity. It burns and burns. It has no end.

Missing is unfair. It creeps up sneakily behind me and leaps to my side whenever you’re not here.

I miss the warmth in your eyes. And the smile that plays on your lips. I miss the sound of your voice… I can’t hear it. I miss holding your hand and arguing over the colour of the sky. I miss waking up in the middle of the night, feeling your warmth beside me. Your chest against my back, your arm around my waist, your legs bending in line with mine.

I just miss things like this. And you.

Two Hearts

As I look out the window on this cold winter night I see the snowflakes swirling. I stare at all of the twinkling lights; they are alone in the darkness just like me. I sit here quietly thinking, remembering our last Christmas together. You sat and talked with me while I stuffed the stockings.

It’s Christmas and the whole world smiling. I’m just trying to get through it all with out you here. Although I know time and distance cannot separate two hearts guided by the hands of destiny, the thought does little to stop me from missing you this day.   I tell myself only two more days until you step off that plane; it’s comforting but still not the same. 

I love you. 

More

You are more than just the man I love. You are the friend I can share my deepest secrets with. I feel that I have so much love to give and that it’s been bottled up inside me for so long. No one but you has been interested in opening the bottle to see what’s inside. You have not only been interested and willing to open that bottle but you inspire and encourage what’s inside.

You are the man I want to share’s life’s adventures with. I think we have been brought together at this time in our lives for something very special. I can’t wait to explore what life has in store for us.

I know I write these words several times a day; I hope they never lose their meaning and I hope you never get tired of hearing them  … I love you … now and forever. 

The Best Feeling

Telling you that I miss you is not something new because you already know I miss you – all the time. I can´t stop thinking about you, even if I try my hardest to think of something else. You never seem to leave my thoughts. You are my most constant memory. I think missing someone who is absent is the saddest feeling of all.

I must confess how happy I am to have you back in my life. How good it feels to love you. And, even though you are half way across this vast country and not here by my side, the affection and passion that surrounds us is strong. I see it in our texts and emails; I hear it in our phone calls; I see it during LiveCall; and most importantly I feel it everyday in my body and soul.

You know, loving you and being loved by you is the best feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. 

My Dream

For years I’ve dreamed of a man. The man. The one who answers to every call of my soul. The one who understands without explaining, who does without asking, who hears without words. The one whose love for me is reflected in his eyes like stars, whose touch makes me tremble, whose strength keeps me forever within his embrace. The one who has danced through every one of my fantasies. After the daydreams I would laugh at myself and say “There could never be a man like this, but it was fun to think about.”

But there is a man like this. There is you. You are the only man I see now and always. You are the man in all my fantasies. You are the master of everything. You are my dream and I dream of being in your arms forever.

 ♥

Gift of Love

How pleasantly surprised I was to receive your gift yesterday. I mentioned something in passing and you remembered. It is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. It is something that will make memories last forever. Thank you so much.

But did you know it is your gifts of words I hold closest to my heart? Its your words that make me feel loved like no other, that make me laugh, sing, and cry, that make me burn with more passion that I’ve ever experienced before.

I love you.

 ♥ 

Miss With Me

It’s silly I know but I walk around with a goofy grin on my face; I bang into doors because I was so engrossed reading text messages from you and I would laugh out loud WHILE reading the same messages. I think about you and wonder what are you up to and wonder if you’re thinking of me or missing me the same way that I’m missing you…

Chicklet thinks that’s its weird to see me walking around smiling like a freak.

I think you’re funny and strangely-smart. I enjoy having you around and I love the fact that you make me smile … and laugh … and believe me … and know me … my children love it too because they see me smiling again and know I’m happy.
 
Play with me, laugh with me, miss with me… 

Thinking of You

 

My intention was to write to you every day. But life seems to get in the way sometimes. It doesn’t mean, and you know this, that I’m not thinking about you. I miss you all of the time and I am always thinking of things I want to tell you. Everything reminds me of you – even brushing my teeth or washing the dishes or other seemingly banal activities that few people would associate with love. Perhaps its just that I long to have you here with me (or there – or anywhere really) for every moment, exciting or not.

Memories

I’m so very glad you commented on my blog that day in July; it allowed us the opportunity to begin again. Even though it was necessary for us to walk separate paths, I’m delighted our paths have merged into one and we continue the journey together.

When I first heard this song on the radio, back in the Fall of 2007, it reminded me of you. Over the past two years whenever I heard this song it brought back memories of you, of us. You were always in the scenes my mind replayed and my mind replayed the scenes often.

Because the moments I can feel you near
They keep you close to me my dear
Now you’ve gone away
Don’t worry it’s ok
That you’re gone away
Further than yesterday
But you’ll never leave these scenes
My mind replays

Where in the world have you gone now? Where in the world…

-Finger Eleven 

When I’m With You

Is this real? This feeling, this…desire to be held close to you, to have your arms encircling my waist in a never ending embrace. To feel your warm breath tickle my ear.
I lose my senses as I gaze into your eyes. You stop my breath with your kisses.
When I’m with you I’m protected. When I’m with you I’m…loved.

Why Do I Love You?

Oh, how many things I could say that are perfect reasons as to why I love you. I shall only name a few and leave the rest to the mind’s imagination:

I love your smile;
So genuine, so playful. It makes me want to run straight into your arms, just so I can be with you.

I love your laugh;
The tone of your happiness threatens all sorrows to flee. No pain nor heartbreak enters my domain when I am with you.

I love your hair;
That the darkness of it rings deeply in contrast to your warm and inviting heart, which echos your love.

I love your happiness;
How even on the bleakest of days, it warms my cold, shivering attitude to a melted glowing substance. Some call that love.

I love your eyes;
Their seafoam tint to the light jade hue, drizzling enchantment and lust to your charm. They make me dream when I see you.

All of these qualities make up you and I love them all. I won’t let anything tear me from you. I wake up in the morning and your face is the first thing that appears within my jumbled thoughts.

It is a joke to think that someone like me: a girl with such a defiant attitude, should  dream of someone like you. And yet, still knowing all of my flaws and imperfections, you call me your princess. And you confuse me so much with all the flattery.

I just love you, it’s that simple.

Oh, How I Miss You

There is just something about you that makes me feel at ease and open to love. It’s hard to describe the emotion churning inside my body. It is like a delicate thunderstorm. With every text, every email, every phone call, the storm gets stronger. The lightning strikes and my body longs for you. The thunder roars and memories of your kiss, your touch, your taste… they all overwhelm me. All I can do is close my eyes for a few seconds and savour the memory before it fades away.

 

Oh, I have missed you dearly today.

With just your words, you have made my heart soar and my body tingle with anticipation of your warmth.

Baby, you are amazing.

I love you.

Long Distance = Wrong Distance

Have I ever told you that when I watch you speak to me through bytes and ram, I imagine your voice, whispering into my ear?

Have I ever told you that I wait out each day in anticipation, wanting only an hour or so, just a second in space and time, to feel close to you?

Have I ever told you that there has been times when I’ve ached for you, ached for you so badly, that the emotions overwhelmed me.. and so I sat and cried?

Have I ever told you that sometimes, I will reach out, touching your name on this cold screen before me, wishing I could reach in and pull you to me?

Have I ever told you that I would give everything up, just for one night to be able to lay near you, to feel your chest rise and fall with each breath you take?

Have I ever told you that I dream of you often, I dream of you reaching out and touching my hand, simply to let me know that you are there, and everything is okay?

Have I ever told you how much I love you?

Time and Space

I just want you to know I really dislike this experience, the often unsettling unpredictability of time and space. We spend a lot of our days and nights waiting as time shifts between the zones. We have moments together, but they’re always painfully fleeting. It will be so nice – thirty days from now – to have you in my time zone, my arms, my bed. Very nice indeed.
 
I love YOU.

Long.Distance.Romance.

The distance may be great and all we have is the phone. Sometimes we stay up extremely late, like last night. Hearing your voice makes my sleepiness the next morning worth it. Emails, texting and talking will just have to make-do.
 
I’ll keep dreaming of us, until we can see each other again. (Christmas isn’t that far away) Being with you is all I think about. I get butterflies in my stomach, just at the mere thought of you. Did you know, you left me awestruck that weekend in November?

Distance may be great but I’ll always love you forever, I promise. 

I Will Love You

I have accepted you for who you are. Not what you can be.
All of you.
And I have and will love you none the less.

Time Wasted?

We spent so many years apart. Was that time wasted, or was it simply a requirement that we walk those long but merging paths first? Who knows. Maybe I didn’t have you back then but I have you now and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Counting The Days

My love, I cannot stand this. It is just too hard to be away from you. I am usually okay, but at times like this (especially tonight) it just becomes too much to bear. I cannot sleep tonight from thinking of you.

Each day that passes makes our love for each other grow stronger. Although I know it’s hard for us to be apart, distance means so little when you love someone so much. I know there is nothing that can keep us apart forever. Our desires will continue to stretch across any distance, over every mountain between us. 

Written Words

Miss You - Words

It begins with the written word, your words and mine, writing separately about our lives. The lives of two people in different parts of this vast Great White North. The existence of two ultimately lonely souls. Or was it two parts of one soul separated and lost?

 I miss you my love.

The Only Thing I Want

Love - I Love U

The only thing I want is to be in love with you. I want to spend a lifetime just watching your mouth speaking the words that captivate me.

The only thing I want is to be in love with you… to watch each day pass by like seconds on a clock that never runs.

I only want to forget the world, forget everything I’ve ever known… I want to find myself in you and become what I have longed for.

Love Letters

Love - Letter

Hello My Love,

Sometimes I sit down to write you and all my thoughts about you rush into my mind at once. I think of everything in a single second but I cannot express the thoughts into words.

There are flashes of how small I am standing next to you but how safe I felt in your arms, images of your face, the sound of your voice, the feel of your hands and the words you have written – they are all floating in front of my eyes.  As I envision these intoxicating pieces of you, I feel my body relax into a gentle dream and I float away with my thoughts of you.

Tonight is one of those nights. I have no desire to lift myself from this state, if you’ll allow me the indulgence. Perhaps you’ve had those moments too? It not something from which you ever really want to awaken is it?

Be with me and dream with me, my love, until that moment when the dreams become reality. Until that moment when we are together. 

And I Miss You

Mising You - Timeslessness

You’d flown away with your mended wings, years earlier.

I never thought I’d see you again.

Then you came back.

I was old, hobbled and tired.

You asked me if I’d still have you, with your old wings and silver hair.

It wasn’t age that I saw in that moment.

It was timelessness. 

 ♥

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