I just want to inform you that someone somewhere is missing you a lot. And that someone is me. I hate it when you work days and I work nights. Three and a half days is too long to go without kissing you.
I am missing you even if we’ve just seen each other. I am wanting to hug you more even when I’ve just held you. I am wanting to give you kisses even when we’ve had hundreds. I love you even more than what I am capable of.
You make every second that passes by worthwhile. Tomorrows do not seem so dreary anymore because you make me look forward to being loved more. You make me secure in such sense that I do not need to worry about who I was or what I’ve done in my past. You make me a whole person because you’ve accepted my imperfections and made them seem so irrelevant. You’re more than who I asked for.
You lead me back to a place where my heart is secure knowing that you’re the person I can love endlessly. And vice versa.
I just want you to want me like you used to. Remember those days when you’d put your hands down my pants? You’d press yourself up against me. You’d grab my hand and put it on your hardness. You’d whip your towel off as soon as you got out of the shower. You wanted me to want you.
You wanted me. Me.
Now it seems absurd.
A distant memory.
A sad memory.
I love you.
I’ve played it your way… on your terms. Unsure what you’ve been doing but following your lead. My heart open, patiently waiting for you to regain focus, waiting for you to move your eyes away from that little screen and back to us.
I’ve played it your way… on your terms. But my dreams remind me constantly. My body and mind aching for what has been denied me for 2+ years.
I’ve played it your way long enough… now it’s my turn. I’ve had two years of craving. My patience is dwindling. What I hunger for is not just a want, it is an essential necessity. It’s an indescribable need.
I’ve played it your way long enough… now it’s my turn. No longer should you deny us of something that brought us both such extreme pleasure. Force yourself inside me. I want to feel your fingers on my lips. Your hands around my throat making me quiver with desire and anticipation of what’s to come. That sting against my flesh. My body weak from indulging you. Me, crawling back for more. Back arched, head down…
Let OUR game begin.
I long for the way he looks at me and tells me he loves me.
I long for that text message on my phone that says he’s thinking of all the” naughty” things we can do when he gets home. I’d spend the rest of the day daydreaming about that night.
I long to feel his fingers tangled in my hair.
I long for the way his hands run over my skin as we misbehave.
I long for a few simple words that can cause me to shudder deep inside.
I long to look into his eyes and see that same desire looking back at me.
You’re not here. These walls feel too close and this house seems too empty. Everything feels wrong.
Later I will listen for your car door, your keys, your feet on the mat. I’ll pace the floor, hoping that every approaching car is yours, coming to take me in your arms and tell me that you’ve come home.
The forever wait is finally coming to an end.
My silly girl heart will soar as I wait for my flight to close the distance between you and me. I’ll smile at everyone around me as I impatiently wait for the announcement that my flight is boarding.
(It’s been so long since these arms held. Since these knees got weak.)
Then, somewhere around halfway, I’ll start to savour the giddiness I feel as I inch closer to you … knowing that you are there, waiting for me, with those arms open wide. Just for me.
This week has been a good week, stressful but good. I am busy packing for the move. My life is one huge buzz of activity. If I am not the go then my brain is and unfortunately at this moment … my brain is not being agreeable for the tasks at hand.
I’ve had too many moments missing being with a certain someone. The thing is, I just don’t like missing. I’ve never missed anyone besides you and am surprised to find that I have become so sentimental. This flutter of emotion is bewildering and now I have a headache.
Thank you, sir, for being my headache. I miss you.
I’m watching people, the days and life pass. I see couples and kids and dogs and bikes and summertime things that make me happy.
But each passing moment has me missing you more. It seems like forever since I’ve seen you. The “we” stuff is sitting on the stove … should I be doing something with it? Should I stir it? Should I add some salt and pepper? Maybe so because last night I had a spicy dream about you. No one seems to add flavour to my day, or night, like you. Your presence, whether in real time or dreamtime, puts me in another space.
You are always on my mind. Not just because I love you but because everyday things remind me of you. Simple things. Silly things. Everything.
Like every time I eat Cookies n Cream ice cream… I think of you. When I have a cookie I think of you… I think about you licking the creamy insides with your tongue, one side at a time and raking the creamy filling off with your teeth, allowing it to dissolve in your mouth, filling your mouth with a sweet, pleasant sensation.
My prince, you’ve disappeared into the wilds of northern Canada and I’m here in my little East Coast kingdom. I know you’re out there dragon slaying and this princess is tending to her own little kingdom. But it just would be nice to have my prince stop by for a drink and say “good going, woman” … take me in your arms for a hug and enjoy being alive and in the same place.
Not so … you’re slaying a really big, big dragon – one that breathes fire and black smoke and whose breath smells, oddly enough, like roofing tar. I’ll let you alone to enjoy the carnage. I know when I have left my little kingdom behind and am carried to yours on silver wings, we’ll live that happily ever after story (with maybe some ogre’s thrown in just to keep it exciting).
Right now, I feel good.
I feel good knowing that in 7 days I’ll be with you. I feel good knowing that I’ll finally get to see you each and everyday.
I’ve hated the feeling of missing you over the past few months. Every day without you has been a struggle, but thinking and dreaming of you fills me with a wonderful feeling. My intense love for you, and your love for me, tells me that the best is still ahead. And the future with you is what I live for.
Most nights I’m fine.
I crawl into my bed alone; I dream about faraway lands and fairy tale times and wake to another day full of potential.
But some nights I’m not so fine. Sometimes I just want you to hold me, to laugh with me, to call me your sweetheart. These are the nights when missing you is almost too much for me to handle.
I’ve missed you every day. But, I have been able to smile a bit and be glad that I have a love like you and that is enough to keep me going until we are together again.
In a few weeks I’ll be leaving the only home have ever known to be with you. I have to admit it’s a little scary and I have those nervous butterflies but I’ve never been so sure of anything. I’ve finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear. I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me. But they don’t make me want to run the other direction, like the fear has done before. I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level and those butterflies make me want to press myself as close as I can to you – skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat, because when I do that, the butterflies quiet their wings and they let me feel you. Feel all of you. I want to be with you, I want all of you.
I love you so much.
When I see you, the world stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops and there is only you. Just you and my eyes staring at you. When I’m not with you, the world starts again and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it, and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing.
I don’t like being apart from you, not hearing your voice, not having you close. Just to be with you, I ache for it. I’m tired of waking up alone.
I really, really wanted to write something for you this morning. Something nice for you to wake up to. But I’m afraid my mind is coming up with not much more than daydreams of you and thoughts about how much I miss you. Putting the words “down” seems impossible. I hope you won’t mind but I’ll just borrow some lyrics from a song this time. I love you. ♥
When I’m with you
I’ll make every second count
cause I miss you, whenever your not around
when I kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now
I’ll make every second count
when I’m with you
yeah we’ve had our ups and downs
but we’ve always worked them out
babe am I ever glad we got this far now
still I’m lying here tonight
wishing I was by your side
cause when I’m not there enough
nothing feels right
so I’m coming back to show you that I’ll love you the rest of my life
– Faber Drive When I’m With You