Warning. Warning.

Warning. Warning.

Yours would say: Warning. May contain nuts and other choking hazards.

A Great Idea

A Great Idea

Yes! Let’s.









I think I deserve a nice long round of applause. :)

It’s That Simple


It's That Simple

I’m feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

So Very Hard


I find innuendos everywhere. I must have my mind it the gutter. Glad you love me for my mind.

Take It




Yours makes me very happy.

Morning Wood


Morning Wood

I call it breakfast in bed.

MmmMmmGood !


“I can’t get over this taste I found
When I go downtown, down
You taste so good” ~Next, Taste So Good

You’re good to the last drop. (I guess my thoughts are x-rated right now.)

Be Happy

Be Happy

And seeing you naked makes me happy. So it’s a win-win.

I Can’t Wait…


I Can't Wait...

…to rip your clothes off tonight.



You’re the manliest guy I’ve ever met, even with a bum thumb.  :)

Real Love


I know I really love you because I haven’t contemplated an eventual escape plan.

Old Time Love

Old Time Love

I saw this and thought of you and me when we get old.  It made me smile.



It’s funny how our childhood punishments are now our adult pleasures. For example, naps and spankings. :)


Plenty of Fish


Plenty Of Fish


There may be plenty of fish in the sea but you’re the only one I want to mount in the bedroom.

Irish Love

Irish Love

You married a Celt so kiss me, I’m part Irish.

Accident Waiting to Happen


Watching House Hunters International with you the other day, I get the strong feeling you think I am clumsy. Just so you know, I am not clumsy … it’s just that the stairs hate me, the coffee table is a bully and the walls get in my way.

The Perfect Gift

The Perfect Gift

Stop saying I’m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is and I have a wine rack begging to be filled.

Lost Without You


I’d be lost without you… and horny. Lost and horny.

That Thing

That Thing

I’ve had a very stressful day… you could help me relax by doing that thing with your tongue.




“I could watch you for a lifetime. You’re my favorite movie; a thousand endings. You mean everything to me. I never know what’s coming; forever fascinated. Hope you don’t stop running to me, ‘cause I’ll always be waiting. You gotta believe in the voltage that lives inside us.”— Voltage by Skrillex

The voltage definitely lives inside us… I can tell because I get a shock every time you touch me. :)



I love you more than Zombies love brains.

I Really Like You

I Really Love You

It’s 3AM and I love you. In two years I am going to love you too. Five months ago I loved you. Five years ago I loved you. Ten years, two days and six minutes from now I will love you. When I am 70 years old I will love you. I always have loved you and I always will. Forever.

Happy New Year My Love


There have been many times in 2012 when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, irritated you, bugged you.
Today I just want to tell you…
I plan to continue it in 2013.

Love In Winter

If it’s icy, please hold my hand. If I go down you’re coming with me.



It’s True

I want you even when you’re annoying. Not as much. But I still want you.

Incredibly Irresistible

I need to warn you of something: my husband is incredibly sexy. Sometimes I feel like yelling,“Back off, whores. He’s mine.” Especially to the little tarts he works with.


You should have a warning label that says… “Warning: choking hazard.”

As a Matter of Fact

You’re Attractive, Gorgeous, Sexy, Intelligent, Smart, Charming, Sophisticated, Fit, Kind & Generous. In fact, you’re becoming more like me every day.




I know you’re going to the gym today, but save a little energy for me later.

Love Song

Actually, if truth be told, I’d be way happier with a sext.


Sometimes you’re a pain in the ass, but you’re my pain in the ass.

I love you.



Well do you???


I’m all the pussy you need.



I want to play a game.



I sexted you but you never replied. Obviously you were so excited by my words that you fainted.

The Answer

Wanna work on this equation? If you know what I mean.

Just Wondering

Well are we???


Yes, I have a dirty mind and you’re on it.



I’m glad we stuck to the traditional vows … I plan to take full advantage. <cough cough>


More Fun Than the Gym

Kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute. Wanna work out?


I Love You

In other words … more than anything.

Body Contact

I need you inside of me. I need my entire body in contact with yours.

Happy Halloween

But I’d totally do it because you’re a freaking zombie and you’re not eating my brains. :p


Forever Love

You’re the only person I could see myself surviving a zombie apocalypse with.


1. I need to tell you something, look at 5

2. The answer is look at 11

3. Don’t get mad, look at 15

4. Calm down, look at 13

5. First look at 2

6. Don’t be that angry, look at 12

7. I just wanted to say I love you

8. What I wanted to tell you is … The answer is on 14

9. Be patient, look at 4

10. This is the last time I’m going to do this, look at 7

11. I hope you’re not when annoyed I say look at 6

12. Sorry, look at 8

13. Don’t get irritated, look at 10

14. I don’t know how to say this but look at 3

15. You must really be aggravated, look at number 9

Aren’t I annoying today

My Sickie

“…to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer,  for poorer, in sickness or in health…”

You’re lying on the couch wrapped in a blanket, sniffling and groaning … over a COLD. Totally turning into a big baby.

Hmmm … maybe you just need to be breast-fed.

You’re Perfect For Me

Because I’m just as weird and strange as you are.




Spork & Foon

Spooning leads to forking.

And spooning is nice but forking is better.


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